A Quiet Life

Just Think

2012-02-07T12:20:00.003-05:00

This morning my 8 year old and I were discussing my upcoming birthday. I'll be 34 next week. He said to me, "Before you know it, you'll be 40."

He was thoughtful a moment.

Then he said, "Just think of it Mama, 40 is just 10 less than half a hundred."

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I Let Things Pile Up, Then Unpiled Them

2012-02-06T21:54:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I lay on the couch for hours, with a spasming back. I let things just pile up, I let the kids crawl on me, and I remained prone. My husband did the dishes, and put Goose in a bubble bath. It wasn't that I couldn't move, but I was trying to let my back rest to see if that would help. It had been bothering me for 2 days already, and ignoring it wasn't helping. But man, days of just lying on the couch feel so dark. Maybe resting did help, because today it felt a little better and I was the opposite of prone.

We did 2 hours of school work, wherein my child learned to spell shrub and what parallel lines are and how to contract the words you are into you're. Please let my children never use your in place of you're. If I achieve that as a homeschooler, I will be pleased.

After that I did all those things that I let pile up yesterday. There were lots and lots of things. We lunched. Then we met friends at the park. We went to the park in February! Crazy, weird, warm February. We walked along a creek and found some crinoid fossils. My friend's toddler walked straight into the water, up past her shoes, just as we were leaving. She must be superbaby though, because she chugged back to their car without complaint.

From the park we headed to taekwondo. My small one and I have 45 minutes to use up twice a week while we wait for my big one to finish his lesson. Usually I can find an errand to run, but there are also lots of cool places to walk if the weather is nice. Today we walked to the bookstore. I read her Olivia, Strawberry Shortcake, and Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus. Then we walked back.

After dinner, my husband inflated my old birth ball, and the kids played with that. Loudly.

It was a good day, and just what I needed after a couch day.

Here's a happy picture of my girlie.

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Magic

2012-02-03T12:32:00.003-05:00

When my 3 year old daughter wants to cast a spell, she says, "Abracadabra, Mi Mo Fo Fabra! Turn Mama into a cat!" Then she waves her wand at me and I meow. Sometimes she turns me into a dog, or turns herself into a monster.

But it always starts with "Abracadabra, Mi Mo Fo Fabra!"

I love the way kids make up their own words, or put a different spin on something.

When Bee was little, he used to cast spells like this: "Abracadabra, Allakazam, turn Mama into a dinosam!" (dinosaur) See, he'd make the last word of his spell rhyme with zam. He might say, "Abracadabra, Allakazam, make mama clean my ram!" (room)

Well, one day several years back my dad was visiting. Bee got out his wand and waved it around.

"Abracadabra, Allakazam, send Grampy back to Nam!"

Yep. My dad is a Vietnam war veteran.

My dad put his hands over his face and laughed and laughed. In a small voice, trying to speak through laughter, he squeaked out, "But I don't want to go back to Nam."

It's one of those family stories that we still love to laugh about.

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Fly!

2012-01-27T19:29:00.003-05:00

Things around here have been wild this week. It's been an either/or situation. Either everyone's in a great mood, or everyone's in a terrible mood. But then Goose came down with croup last night, and I think Bee isn't feeling well either and that pretty much explains everything.

Today I was able to stay cheerful even though everyone else was grouchy. I'm not sure why I can do that some days and not others. Watching a fairy fly may have something to do with it.

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Small Snow

2012-01-24T12:31:00.003-05:00

It's been a strangely warm, rainy winter here. Usually we've had a few big snows by this time. We've only had a couple of dustings and one snow that didn't quite cover the grass. But you take what you can get, and we had to see if it was enough for sledding.

It wasn't enough snow to cause us to drive to the big hill,
but the small one across the street was fun.

I love his statuesque position.

She made a snow (grass?) angel.

Usually by this time of winter I'm wishing for spring and tired of the cold and the snow. This year I feel like winter has barely started. I hope we get at least one huge snow!

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Compression Clothing

2012-01-22T20:37:00.002-05:00

Did you notice Bee's clothes in the Wall Walker post? Here is another picture.

These clothes are tight. They are compression clothes. He got them for Christmas, and has worn them almost every day since. In general, his SPD affects him in such a way that he is quite sensory defensive. He doesn't like loud noises, bright lights, sudden movements, too much movement or activity, etc. The one area where he is sensory seeking is the proprioceptive sense, which I've linked to, but quickly I'll just say that it's the way his body interprets information between his muscles, joints, connective tissues, and the position of his body in space.

Anyway, one thing it means for him is that he craves deep pressure. He can't get enough. We have a weighted blanket that he loves to sleep under, a pressure swing, and various other equipment to help him. We also give lots of hugs, roll him up in blankets, and do games where we push against each other. When I heard about compression clothing, I knew he would like it. The ones marketed directly to kids with SPD are expensive. Maybe they're better than the ones he has, which are Under Armour and still expensive enough, but my kid really, really likes them. We're going to get him a short sleeve set for summer. When we go out, he usually wears them under his other clothes, but it's a rare day when he decides to take them off and it's often a bother to him when I ask to wash them.

I have noticed that since wearing these clothes, he asks much less for other forms of pressure input from us. I'm so, so glad we tried this.

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Popcorn

2012-01-13T08:50:00.002-05:00

Here is how we eat popcorn in our house: I make a big pan of it on the stovetop using earth balance. Then I chop the tops off of paper bags and distribute the popcorn. I salt it.

There is joy to be had eating from a paper bag. It's a lot like my favorite coffee cup, just something about the shape and feel of it. Plus, no big bowls to wash!

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Peeve

2012-01-11T11:58:00.002-05:00

You know what I find annoying? When I'm actively in the process of doing something for someone else, and they pick that exact moment to ask me for the thing I'm already doing.

I'm spreading the mustard on the (gluten free) bread and the turkey is out, and a call comes from the other room, "Mama, can you make me a turkey sandwich?"

I've switched on the tv, and I'm looking through the channels to find something they might want to watch and I hear, "Mama, can we watch a show?"

I'm searching and searching for a pink baby doll shoe because I see that she is playing with it and I know she'll want it, and she shouts, "MAMA! I need help finding this baby's shoe!"

I'm making a surprise bubble bath, and tossing in the toys, when they walk in and shriek, "OOOOOH, can we have a bubble bath?"

I think it bugs me because I'm trying to do something special, a surprise, and because we're always in such close proximity that my surprises are rarely surprising.

Anyway. Just an annoying thing. That little whine helped.

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Tiny Tea

2012-01-10T22:26:00.002-05:00

I was in the kitchen making a snack, and when I came back into the living room, she invited me to join her tea party.

This is a new type of play for her, and I find it impossibly endearing. The satisfaction she gets from laying out all the dishes, and setting up the people...it just melts me. One night she made a larger scale tea party for all of us in the family, and though she got irritated at her brother that he wouldn't drink the pretend tea and eat the pretend food, her delight at her creation was just pure childhood glee. Anyway, on this day she made a tiny tea party.

She poured the babies some tea.

Then she said, "Actually, mama, there isn't a cup for you. Or for me.

She swiped one of the plates from a baby, and put a cookie on it for me. After about 3 minutes, she packed it all up, put the babies back in their house and the box of dishes back upstairs on her dresser.

She likes to keep things neat.

She also put her coat on upside down this morning. It was so hard not to laugh, with the big flap of the bottom of the coat sticking up behind her head like a dracula collar. She stared at her sleeves, not understanding why they looked different. I wanted to leave it like it was, but she asked for help so I got her switched up. She chucked, "My coat was upslide-down!"

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Wall Walker

2012-01-09T20:48:00.002-05:00

He has a new trick, and oh has he ever been excited about it! The first time he did it, the rest of us were still lazing about in bed, and he shrieked and hollered until we came to see.

First, he situates himself on the wall and pulls up.

He climbs higher.

He decides he is high enough and stops to hang out.
For the first few days, he was climbing up to touch the
ceiling, but then he'd need me to help him down. I told him
he can only climb as high as he can jump down on his own.

So he does.

Sweetie

2012-01-08T19:27:00.002-05:00

On the chaise by our front window, I sat trying to read my book. She crawled up my legs, sat on my knees, slid down. She jumped on my belly. She put her lips on my cheek and smooched loudly.

Okay then, I put down my book and grabbed her up and held her close.

Her hair still smells like baby kittens.

She mimicked the way I was sitting, then leaned her head on my chest and said, "Tonight I'm going to have good dreams about you."

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Rowing

2012-01-05T21:49:00.003-05:00

I don't usually make new year's resolutions. I love reading other people's lists of things they want to accomplish in the upcoming year. Last year I did make one goal--to clean off the top of the refrigerator. I did it, too. Come to think of it, I should add that to this year's list...

Over Christmas, we stayed 2 nights and 3 days with family. I loved every second of it, except the lack of coffee! I decided I was too beholden to my daily mug. I can't even spend one day without it without getting a terrible headache and grouchy mood. Plus I've been so tired lately and the usual amount of coffee isn't giving me any perk. So I decided to cut back. I will still drink it a couple times a week, is the plan, and hopefully when I do drink it I will feel that energetic feeling it used to give me, but I won't get headaches if I miss a day or two. It's been 5 days. I had horrible headaches for 3 days, but then a friend suggested I try green tea which has a small amount of caffeine. So I did that, and no more headache. Yeah, 5 days and today I actually had some energy that felt natural. We'll see if this works. If it's a big failure, I won't really mind, because coffee = yum.

My father-in-law loaned us a rowing machine. It's awesome. I've always wanted an exercise machine. For years I've sworn that if I had one, I would use it all the time. Now I have the chance to see if I was right. So far, I am using it! I did 10 minutes a day for the first 4 days, and today I did 15. Sure, that's not much, but it turns my legs to jelly and my arms to rubber bands, so I think it's good. I don't have a resolution about it, really, I just want to see if using exercise equipment is something I will fit into my routine. My Richard Simmons tapes didn't have lasting appeal, though it is fun to get them out sometimes and dance around with the kids.

Let's see, what else? No other resolutions, I guess. I mean, I am always trying to get myself to stop freaking out about being late. If I feel I might be late, I turn into something barely human and boss everyone around trying to get out the door as fast as possible. It's not relaxing or peaceful or like anything else in my life and I fight against it all the time. The kids are already walking toward the van, why must I request that they walk faster? For 4 extra seconds? I also sit in the car and feel my blood pinging through my body and the rage builds at every stop light, because I might be 3 minutes late! So that's a thing, but not really a resolution because I've been working on it for half my life, and I can see progress in the right direction.

So tell me, do you have any goals for this year?

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Felted Bears

2011-12-28T21:34:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I have been terrible about updating here! I plan to do better starting now, but we'll see.

We had a wonderful Christmas. Both children keep saying, "This was the best Christmas ever!" We spent 3 days a couple of counties north. There was so much food, I never want to see food again. Today I downed cereal, a banana, and a cheese sandwich and I still feel too full.

I wanted to share something that I made for the kids for a Christmas gift. First let me back up a bit. When I hang out with a group of women, I think 90% of them are busy with some sort of handwork. Knitting, crochet, stitching, origami, the list goes on. Me, I just pick at my cuticles. So I decided I wanted a hobby that I could do while I chat. I like keeping my hands busy.

When it comes to crafts, I think in 3D. I make 3D cakes--I could never draw a picture on a cake. I must sculpt the thing. I discovered needle felting. It suits me really well, and though I'm new at it I wanted to make some sort of guys for the kids. After they were in bed, I spent quite a few evenings making these friends:

I have a lot to learn, but this was really fun and a good challenge. Now that the kids know about their bears, I can bring my hobby out during the day.

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Playgroup

2011-12-14T08:14:00.003-05:00

Every Tuesday we have playgroup. It's three hours of play for the huge group of kids, and 3 hours of talking and connection for the mamas and dads. I look forward to it every week. My husband has had a lot of vacation time this month, and he went to playgroup with us, wielding his camera. I don't think I should post all the pictures of other people's kids, but here are some he took of ours.

Before we left, my husband made little houses out of 3 big boxes.
Last week, Bee and another girl had played cats, so he was
imagining they might be used as cat houses. As soon as Goose
saw them, she said they were train sheds. Over the course of
playgroup, they were tanks, costumes, homes, and many other things.

This box was a crib for the baby baboon.

In summer, we meet at parks, the pool, or anywhere else outdoors. When it's cold and rainy, we meet at Banneker Center. It used to be a school. There is a large playroom upstairs where we start out, then we move to the gym where the kids never stop moving.

Having this group of families means a lot to me. Many of the moms are further along in the homeschooling journey and they are a source of comfort and advice. We all have a similar philosophy and similar parenting styles. Another similarity is that many of the kids have sensory issues or other things, and I really feel like I've found my tribe. I feel understood and supported.

Can't wait for next week!

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Older. Only a bit, but still.

2011-12-08T18:17:00.002-05:00

I comb my hair in the morning after my shower. I used to find one or two gray hairs. Now I see multiples of ten streaking my part and hiding by my ears. I pluck them out, along with a new hair on my chin. But I can't keep plucking them forever. Plus, when I pluck them, I have to look up so hard and so far that my eyeballs ache and my forehead gets creased with wrinkles. Not worth it.

My hands remind me of my grandma's. Huge knuckles. Veins. I look down when I'm kneading bread dough, and do a double take, as though I'm watching her instead of myself. I'm like Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond: putting lotion on before bed every night and then again in the morning. And my face! it sucks up the moisturizer and can still look dry. Part of it is winter, surely.

I try not to yawn, because I'm getting lines in my cheeks from it. My husband thinks they're smile lines. I do smile a lot, but I probably yawn more. So if you see me with my teeth gritted and my nostrils flaring out and my eyes squinty, it's because I'm trying not to yawn.

Okay, okay, I realize that I'm still really young. 33. I'm being sort of ridiculous. But at a decade older than 23 I'm starting to notice these small changes. I don't really worry about it much, I'm not saying I fear it. In fact I think there are plenty of great things about being older that I can't wait for. But lately I get sort of a stomach ache when I think about how I still feel the same inside as I did 15 years ago and yet I'm slowly changing on the outside. Will I still feel like me in 30 years? Actually, maybe I don't feel like exactly the same person inside, at least all the time. I wouldn't really want to. But I can still feel and recognize my younger self inside of me.

Time already goes much faster than it used to for me, and I think before I know it I'll be 75 and looking back and thinking how I took my smooth 50 year old skin for granted like I now know I took my 20 year old skin for granted.

Well, whatever. It's going to happen and it will happen to my man too. We still feel like teenagers sometimes no matter what's going on with our hair and our skin and our sore knee joints. I hope we always will. My husband's grandma (age 82) once said, "My days of being sexy are over." She wasn't sad or anything, just matter-of-fact. She meant it to be funny, and we all laughed. But I wonder, surely she could still see her young-woman-self inside? I hope.

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Him and Me

2011-12-06T08:03:00.002-05:00

This weekend my mom kept the kids overnight so that my guy and I could have a break, and some time together.

I'm telling you, bliss.

We hung out at my sister's house for a while. She made us cheeseburgers for dinner, and I got to be with her kids without my kids interrupting. Then we had a peaceful drive home. It's nice to talk about whatever we want and laugh as loud as we want at dirty jokes without the kids asking "What's so funny?" We went shopping, watched a movie, slept in until the ridiculous time of 10:40, lots and lots of snuggles, laughed like loons, you know, all the good stuff. I love having time where I can relish being a wife. Every night we have some time together, but it sometimes takes longer than that to fully switch gears.

I've had this man since I was 15 years old. More than half my life. I still feel butterflies. Give me a weekend with him, and I'm transported back to when we were 21.

He has quite a bit of time off work this month. He's painting a car engine. Bee spends time with him in the garage. He's taking Goose to school this morning, and I'm so glad because I have zero get up and go today.

A few minutes ago I was trying to convince him not to get a haircut. I mussed the top of it and said, "See, that's hot." Goose was watching and listening and she said, "He's hot." Ha!

I need to get moving, get a shower and do some school with Bee. We're going to learn about verb tenses. The house is a wreck from a 3 hour playdate yesterday. I should do something about that too. It's dreary and wet outside, so I suppose it's the perfect day for housework.

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Names

2011-11-29T16:08:00.003-05:00

"Mama, I'm going to name this baby Ellabella Marabelle Clair."

one minute later

"Actually I think I'll name her Molly Marabelle."

one minute later

"Well...her name is Monkey Avela Ella. And I'm Molly bunny Alee."

She puts the baby down, and goes to do a puzzle. We read some books. 15 minutes pass.

"Mama, what was my baby's name?"

I tell her I can't remember. I suggest Annabella Molly Clair.

"No! That's not it! You remember! What was my name too?!"

I suggest a few more names to jog her memory.

"NOOOOOO!"

She flops to the floor and cries and sobs.

Repeat several times daily.

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Life List?

2011-11-27T08:37:00.004-05:00

Our Thanksgiving celebrations ended yesterday, after spending the day at my mom's. That made three dinners, three wonderful celebrations with these people that I love.

I got to play cards! With one kid always perched on my knee.

My husband rocked our niece to sleep.

I am thankful for so much. Bee figured out how to walk up walls in the hallway--you know, with his feet planted on each wall and pushing against it so he won't fall. His excitement for doing it is contagious. He makes a huge thunk when he drops/flies back to the floor. He did it so much the other day that his feet got sore. I have a picture, but he's in his underwear and won't let me post it.

Here's a picture of his gorgeous mug though.

He's been playing checkers.

It has been so warm for November. My kids are enjoying a good phase in their friendship, and they spend a lot of time running around the yard. Bee without a shirt, and Goose with a hat.

Blue eyes and brown eyes.

Speaking of Goose, she just absolutely charms me. She is funny! And so so sweet. Here she is holding a baby in a sling.

One day she made this:

Dollhouse people all lined up to watch a movie.

When I got up this morning and checked Facebook, I saw that my husband had written:
"My kids are such cool companions. My son is better than a friend. My daughter is so cute she makes me melt over and over." It is heartwarming to share this journey with him, somebody who gets it and feels it like I do.

It seems like many people are making Life Lists. Things they want to do in their life, goal lists, lists of dreams. I made one in college, and looking at it now I don't want to do half the things on it (bungee jump?? No way.) and the other half I've already done (nurse a baby, yes). When I think about making a list it looks like this:

-Hang out with family and friends
-Read good books
-Travel here, there, and everywhere
-Picnics!
-Sit by the fire or in the sunshine
-Go on dates with my husband
-Read with my kids, and play games, and go to the zoo
-Live connected with the people I love

So basically, it's what my life already is. Am I ridiculous for not having more lofty goals? Shouldn't I want to learn to kayak or start a business or change the world? I don't know. There are lots of things I want to do, but I'm doing every one of them that I want to be doing in this moment. Maybe, like my college list, when the kids are grown my list will change again. I bet it will. Until then I will enjoy my books, picnics, smooches, people, and days.

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Just A Rambly Post Gushing About My Luck

2011-11-17T20:44:00.005-05:00

This morning I dropped Goose off at school. Bee and I hung around her school and did some of his school work, then we went shopping. It is so fun to shop with either kid alone. (Not both together, if I can help it!) We just browsed around. He has been eager to start his Christmas shopping, and he bought his sister a hula hoop. It's sparkly blue and a very thoughtful gift because she does love to hoop and she does love blue. He found a tiny Christmas tree for $8 that he says is at the top of his wish list. He wants to put it in his room. His appreciation for the small things is one of the small things that I appreciate.

He has a friend coming over tomorrow for the first time. He is so excited and I think a little bit nervous. He had me hang up 2 huge posters he got for his birthday. One is a solar system map, and one is a world map. (Thanks Joany!) We also swept his room and picked up toys. He organized his desk. He really wants tomorrow to be just right, and it's about breaking my heart.

Goose is thrilling me lately with her drawing and writing. Her people now have fingers, earrings, glasses, curly hair, polk-a-dot dresses. She has also somehow learned to write letters. I show her the ones she asks, but mostly she has picked it up on her own. I got out of the shower this morning and heard her ask her brother how he spells his name. He told her and she wrote it down. She said to me, "To make a triangle, you make a capital L and then connect the ends."

She used 2 pens and a ball for a drum today. She told me about her school snack. The kids and I were playing/reading/wrestling in the bed, and she told me that she wished dada was home too. I think she tells me everything she thinks. Mostly I love it. We were playing with our guinea pig tonight, all four of us in a circle in the kids' room. My guy and I kept trying to hear Alice's noises--her little purrs and teeth clacking. We couldn't hear a thing because Goose kept narrating her thoughts and telling us everything that was happening. It got to be hilarious, that girl loves conversation.

I'm sitting here typing with a guinea pig on my chest. Not as good as a newborn, but I do enjoy holding her. She purrs and squeaks and is content. I am too.

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My House Right Now

2011-11-14T13:03:00.005-05:00

If you looked into my house right now, here are some things you'd see:

A garden with a zebra

Lego furniture

Little hands learning new computer games

Littler hands playing with Legos in her own way

A shamrock plant that my mom gave me 12 years ago

Thankful turkeys
(He's thankful for Alice, mama, dada, hugs, his life, house, Legos,
his sister, food, and friends. She's thankful for Alice, dada, mama,
her brother, books, and hugs.)

A class lined up to learn about letters

A very messy desk

But clean kitchen counters

This old picture on the fridge

This shelf of treasures
(My mom gave me the painted egg from Haiti. The kids collected
those lilypad things at the pond this summer, the mushroom
used to be my grandma's and I always liked it, and the pumpkin
seeds are there waiting until spring planting.)

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A Few More Sunny Days

2011-11-04T17:11:00.004-04:00

When I woke this morning, there was nothing on the calendar. A day with nothing scheduled is still a full day, what with school and cooking and the kids and life. I was tempted to finish school and then spend the day digging into my new book club book and tending the kids.

But I looked at the weather forecast, and saw that today and the next 2 days are likely to be our last very nice days. Sunny and in the 60s. I couldn't let a day like that go by indoors when I know we'll be cooped up by snow soon.

We did school first, while it was still cool and darkish outside. We did math day, for a little change, and he liked it. We did our regular math lesson, one from another book, a place value coloring sheet, and played yahtzee, count down, and highest number.

We took our guinea pig outside and watched her nibble on our grass. She gets so excited about it that she trembles and can't chew fast enough, which I can understand because it would be like setting me on a chocolate bar the size of my house.

After Goose had a nap (Did I forget to mention that she got up at 5:00 this morning? Uh, yeah, that happened.) we went to the store and bought picnic-snack food. For us that means strawberries, pears, gluten free pretzels, and roasted edamame. We took it to campus and had what will likely be the last picnic of the year. Sob! After that we went to look at the fountain, and it was turned off for the year. The kids climbed in and ran around, then noticed the pennies hiding in the bottom. They collected $2.57 in pennies and a few dimes, and plan to donate it to the animal shelter. Bee's Helping Others group has been earning money for that, and he's pretty proud to be able to add that money to the total.

We came home dirty and worn out. I didn't feel like I had any food to cook for dinner, but dug around and found some pork chops and lima beans and boiled some rice too. The kids always play together best after dinner. I wonder why that is? Every night they do some sort of imaginative game, and I suppose it's just part of the rhythm of their day. Tonight they have dumped out the toyboxes and filled them with pillows and blankets and there is something about turtles too.

Anyway, I sure am glad I didn't waste the weather today, although there is joy to be found in slow days too. I just know there will be plenty of them soon, one lined up right after another and I'll be grateful for the extra sun stored in my memory.

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Someday, Today

2011-11-02T12:31:00.002-04:00

Today I won't mind that...

...My front porch is lined with bikes and chalk and frisbees.

...I swept up a lego and had to dig it out of the vacuum dirt.

...The miniature sized laundry is backed up to an extreme degree.

...The jack-o-lanterns on the stoop will rot and turn to mush before my sensitive child can let go and throw them away.

...There is bickering amongst the wee ones, over things I never imagined debatable. (He stole your imaginary baby? Really? Uh, just imagine that he didn't?)

Because Someday...

...I won't have an extra pair of 3T underwear tucked in the zip pocket of my purse.

...Lego structures won't line my mantle.

...My table centerpiece won't be a painted pumpkin and a toilet paper tube candlestick.

...Tiny, still pudgy hands won't grab my face and I won't feel a whisper I love you mama in my ear.

...I won't hear the stop-and-start reading as my child puts the story together.

...I won't be awakened by a small warm body climbing onto my pillow.

...There won't be miniature socks and pajamas to fold.

...Young eyes won't show me rocks and trees and ants in a new way.

...I won't be asked to put in a ponytail or tie on a cape.

I could go on and on. I'm feeling really grateful and content and trying to soak it all up.

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Halloween

2011-10-31T19:17:00.004-04:00

*Updated below with pictures*

The sound of rustling wrappers, Snoopy, and will you trade me your nerds for my gum?

Cold, stiff fingers make it hard to open chocolate bars.

"What does Starburst mean, anyway mama? It's not shaped like a star, but it is yellow." -Goose

My favorite Halloween tradition is that my husband sneaks a rock into the kids' candy buckets. When we get home, we turn on It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and they sort through their loot. Usually around the time in the show when Charlie Brown keeps getting rocks, they notice their own rocks. There is much shouting and laughing and pretend indignation. Bee says, "Who keeps giving us rocks! It's probably somebody who gives out a handful of candy, and the rock is hidden inside."

I'm off to rejoin the sugar feast.

My son wore that bee costume when he was just 2 years old.
He has been a Bee for a long time, and she wanted
to try it out for the night.

Green Belt and a Funny Thing

2011-10-29T13:15:00.002-04:00

My kid is now a green belt!

He was incredibly nervous beforehand, which meant that his relief and joy when he accomplished it were also incredible.

Grampy came to watch the test. I was surprised to see him, because he'd had a long, busy day fixing his combine and harvesting. But there he was, and after the test he took us out to celebrate at Bee's favorite place.

We got him a new uniform too, and he is quite pleased with it.

On the drive home, Goose said a very funny thing. "Do you remember one time when I was asleep and I got unsleeped?"

Unsleeped!

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Need Anything?

2011-10-28T09:09:00.002-04:00

I stepped out of the shower this morning, and within 5 minutes I had heard all of the following things:

"I'm still hungry, can I have toast with butter?"

"I want apple slices with peanut butter."

"Can we practice my tae kwon do in the new room?"

"Where's dada?"

"Tie this on me, it's a fancy dress."

"Where's my toast?"

"Are you ready for the tae kwon do yet?"

"He won't stop saying boo!"

"I need a pony tail!"

"Untie my dress."

"I want apple slices with peanut butter too."

"Help me spread out this blankie."

I'm pleased to say that within 15 minutes, I got dressed, extracted please from both kids, and took care of all the things on the above list. If that's any sign of how productive my day will be, I'll take it. If it's any sign of how needy my kids will be today, can I drop them off at your house?

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Pumpkins

2011-10-27T12:34:00.003-04:00

We have had the best weather here the last week! Sunny blue skies, warm but not hot. Today it is rainy, which is nice too because we're sipping hot drinks and watching tv under blankets.

But last weekend we carved our pumpkins. Just look at the sun we had!

"I'll carve this baby one."

I love how he held his pumpkin with his feet.

She drew the face before cutting. Dada did the carving for her,
but he cut it exactly as she drew it.

Bee loved her jack-o-lantern so much that he took a picture.

For some reason, I'm sort of trick-or-treating obsessed this year. I've been searching for every event I can find that will give us candy. It's not that I like the kids to have a ton of candy, but they are just so pleased by it all. They loved the zoo event. They only got 8 pieces of candy each, but there was no disappointment. Earlier this week we went to the local university campus to trick-or-treat, and Goose reached into a bowl and pulled out a Gobstopper. She said, "Look what I got!!!!" I said, "Wow, what is it?" She gleefully said, "I don't know!" She was so thoroughly impressed by it. Later, she got a Hershey's kiss, and pulled out the paper from the foil and said, "Read my price." She meant fortune. How cute is that? I read it, and it said kisses kisses kisses, so I gave her some kisses and she was delighted. Best fortune ever. Then there's Bee, who is so careful with his candy. He sorts it and saves it and attaches memories to it. "Remember when I thought Skittles were M&Ms?" "Remember when I ate my Halloween candy at Christmas and saved my stocking candy until Easter?"

If I find out about a trick-or-treat event, we're going. There are 3 more things this weekend. Maybe I'm overdoing it, but I can't pass up that cuteness.

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Glorious Monday

2011-10-24T17:52:00.003-04:00

I don't know why some days flow smooth as butter and others crunch along like glass under my boots, but today was definitely a butter kind of day.

Bee's phase is passing and he woke up in the best mood. He played with his Legos for an hour while I got a shower and did the dishes. Then we started school. We did two hours of school--fabulous, wonderful school. He is writing a picture book about a moon and a destroyed planet, and he started chapter two today. He still loves his spelling lessons, and we are still working on short vowels. He read a 2nd grade level book. He did a cut and paste word scramble thingy. I read to him about Ancient Egypt, and he begged me to read another chapter so I did. Then we got to math. We had been doing Professor B math, but it was a mutual decision that it was not the thing for us. After giving it a good 6 weeks, we ditched it and I ordered the first Life of Fred book for elementary. I knew it would be mostly review at this point, but I didn't want to start a new thing right in the middle. So we started Fred today. He was so delighted that he kept going until he had completed three lessons! I sure hope that feeling lasts. The whole time we did school, Goose was playing and drawing and snacking fairly quietly and I only had to stop once, to help her in the bathroom. So yeah, school was awesome.

After school we got ready and drove to campus. We walked along the stream and went to the union for cookies and escalator riding.

"Mama, when I was a baby, I called escavators ellaskaters."

We took the long way back to our car, because man alive the sky is so blue today. It was about 69 degrees and leaves were everywhere for us to crunch or admire.

"Here mama, I picked this broken red leaf for you."

When we got home we had lunch and the kids watched a show while I did some laundry and blog reading. Then Bee went back to his Legos and Goose and I went to the bed to read a billion books. We ended up only reading the same one 6 times, which is just how it goes. I got a lot of smooches. Not quite enough, never enough, but it will tide me over until later.

I made some pizza crust and left it to rise while we went to tae kwon do. I dropped off Bee and Goose and I went to the library to take back a book and play in the play room. On the drive there, she told me what things will be like when she grows up.

"I will live in a pretty blue house with a light and a bell and bright pink beds. You can come over for dinner."

At the library, she sat at the drawing table and wrote letters and made pictures.

"Mama, in this picture you are wearing pretend bunny ears. It says 'Dear mama, I love you and you are the best mama ever and you help us and you have nice bunny ears.'"

On the way back to pick up Bee, there was some sort of traffic jam. Car crash? I don't know but I was so angry and frustrated and about to blow my top because my kid was 200 yards away and I couldn't get to him. I knew he'd be very upset that I was late. His anxiety does not allow him to wait happily and know that it's going to be okay. We've had that conversation before, about what it would be like if I was ever late and what he should do. Here, for the first time ever, I was late. I was seriously pissed. I cut through a parking lot to try to get around it, but I think that made it worse because I got behind a bus. Arg, it was awful. But then I finally got there, 10 minutes late, and he came out of the doorway in a rush with a seething face full of frowns. I hugged him and apologized.

"At first I thought 'She'll be here in a minute, it's fine.' but then I started to panic and wonder what happened, and I thought what if you were in an accident or lost and would you ever come back?"

He was out of breath but after talking about it the whole drive home, he seemed to decide that it was an adventure and he was courageous to have survived. Whew!

At home, we assembled the pizzas. As they were baking, Goose was upstairs singing. She came down and said, "I was upstairs making music with my band. A real band. A pretend real band."

Dada came home, and we ate together like we always do. Goose told us that mama loves dada and dada loves mama, and she loves Bee and he loves her. She was quiet a minute, then she spoke to me.

"When I'm mad I don't like you anymore."

"Oh? When I'm mad, I still like you but I just feel mad."

"Me too."

After the dishes, I came upstairs to write this. Goose wanted to draw and called down to her dada to toss up a blue marker. He tossed up a blue permanent marker. Hahaha! He told her to be careful not to get it on anything but the paper. We had a good laugh over that. She's a careful kid, but she's still 3. (I got her a washable marker because she insisted Dada got her the wrong one.) Now she's playing doll house, Bee is playing--wait for it--Legos, and my husband is working on insulation in the new room. Both kids will fall asleep by 8:00, and the evening belongs to me and my man.

This kind of a day is all I could ever ask. Lucky for me, I have no shortage of them.

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Things I've Been Doing

2011-10-20T12:44:00.003-04:00

We had our day at the orchard on Saturday! Apples, pumpkins, cider, caramel apples, raspberries, the whole day with family--perfect. We forgot the camera though.

Monday was a challenging day. We've had such a break from the sensory and anxiety issues with Bee, that I'd almost forgotten how it can be when those issues are present and affecting most every minute of our daily lives. It has been building up for the last 2 weeks, and finally I think we hit the worst of it. I've noticed that it tends to be cyclical for him, and the weather change and seasonal allergies are not doing us any favors. Because it's cyclical, I know it will pass, and hopefully soon. When he cries for an hour and a half because the guinea pig scratched him, and it hurts and he's worried that she cut all the way into his lung, it's pretty clear things don't feel right for him. We've been staying home more, sleeping more, implementing all our usual strategies, and trying to stay patient.

Tuesday I got to volunteer in Goose's classroom. I really really love being in the class with her. Those kids are all so sweet and they say such funny things. One little girl called me honey. I got to watch Goose spread glue on a paper leaf, then she very carefully sprinkled colored sand onto the glue. She was practically putting one grain of sand on at a time. She then asked for the teacher to hang her leaf on the very top branch of the paper tree.

Yesterday was my mom's birthday, and the kids and I went up to visit. We ate lunch at a diner and my sister joined us. Then we went shopping at some flea markets. Bee bought himself a pair of sunglasses and a hotwheels moon rover. That describes so well the place he is in his childhood. For his birthday he requested an iPod and also lots of toys. He's starting to find a lot of joy in older-people things, but still does a lot of playing with toys. Goose got a baby doll for a quarter, and a pony with blue hair.

Today is a full day, but a fun one. We did school, and have a friend over. I made a pie from a pumpkin, and later we'll go to the local science museum with different friends.

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Stories

2011-10-13T07:47:00.003-04:00

Last week I had an uneasy feeling. Nothing was wrong, something was just off.

Finally I figured it out: I wasn't immersed in enough stories!

I need stories. I neeeeeeeed them. Real life stories of people I know, real life stories of people I don't know, biographies, books (especially series books so I don't have to let go of the stories as quickly), tv shows, movies, tiny facebook status stories...

I think that's why I follow blogs. They are like books that don't end, autobiographies that I can read day by day.

I am usually reading at least one book. I finished the one I'd been reading for a long time and hadn't yet started a new one. (If you need a book recommendation, I suggest The Book Thief.)

TV and movies are also a big source of stories for me. I don't watch many shows, but there are about 4 that I don't want to miss. That includes Days of our Lives, which I've watched since I was way too young to be watching it. I used to be self conscious about it--but I own it now. Love that show. Also Parenthood. It's one that I cannot miss.

The real life stories of my friends and family are obviously important to me.

Since I was so busy last week I didn't have time for books, tv, blogs, or many phone calls. Once things slowed down, I kind of gorged myself on stories. Saturday I hung out with and listened to my mom and sister, and I borrowed a book from my mom. Sunday I went to the library and checked out 4 more books. I also watched a few episodes of my shows online and caught up with my blogs.

My mind needs situations to mull over.

How about you? Do you require a steady stream of stories?

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Beautiful Mess

2011-10-11T08:02:00.003-04:00

Last week was busy--for 9 days in a row I had stuff going on and too much to do. So on Sunday I made the plan that I wasn't going to do any work. I didn't wash a single dish or pick up a single toy. It seems that skipping just one day can result in a disastrous mess in my house.

So yesterday, I got up and went downstairs to make breakfast. On the counter was a note from my husband.

"Our living room is a playground. It looks beautiful. Sit and look at the things and think of what it all means."

My heart.

I do that sometimes, but I didn't know that he did too. I think he wanted to reassure me that it's okay, that this is the stage of life we're in and that he cherishes it too. The upside down farm toys, the Lego machine, the hairbrush by the baby doll, the two whistles side by side on the end table.

Beautiful mess.

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For 8, He Wanted Cranes

2011-10-10T08:36:00.004-04:00

About 3 years ago we got a picture book called Lissie's Friends. It's about a girl who has the skill of folding origami and the imagination to see her creations as friends. In the back of the book there are instructions for making a paper crane. For 3 years, every time we read that book, Bee would want us to try to make a paper crane.

Those instructions were crap.

(Yes, that means all my attempts at a crane ended up looking like wadded paper.)

So finally I looked up instructions on Youtube. I figured out that crane, and suddenly Bee decided he wanted an origami birthday party, and for his cake to be shaped like a crane!

Uh.

When it comes to the kids' birthday cakes, I go a little nuts. I am certainly not a professional cake maker, but I really have fun creating what they ask me to make. So I dove in and this is what I made:

He was happy, so I was too. After all that, learning to fold all those origami figures (especially the owl) was much harder than making the cakes. But it's fun to have a new skill.

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Trip To The Farm

2011-10-07T08:25:00.006-04:00

I keep waiting for my husband to upload the pictures from the birthday party. For some reason I feel like I can't post until that happens. But I decided it's okay if things get out of order on here.

So I'll tell you about a field trip we took on Wednesday. It was with a homeschool group that we joined but haven't been involved with as much as I want. A local farm has one day a year when they open up to the public and invite volunteers to show cool things to kids. It was a 15 minute drive there, and of course as soon as we got in the van the kids started saying they're thirsty. Do you know kids like that? I think my kids are camels and they think they must fill their humps in the car as if they won't be able to drink when they exit. As soon as they buckle up, they must have water. My car is full of water bottles. Anyway.

Now, I grew up on a farm. My kids visit a farm every time they see their grampy. They love farms but I wasn't expecting too much.

However.

The volunteers made this field trip terrific! There were tables and tables set up with (usually) grandmas and grandpas sitting behind them, eager to tell the kids about bees and eggs and pelts and herbs and cornmeal and composting.

(Forgive the black bars over their name tags. My husband is really against using their real names. Also, Goose didn't want to try most of the stuff, so she's not in many pictures.)

Holding a chick.

I always enjoy watching blacksmiths work. This guy told us
lots of stories from when he first started out. He said he
burned himself 3 times his first day.

Hayride with popcorn.

Eggs--from ostrich to hummingbird

She liked sorting the apples.

Carving some limestone

You know we love picnics, and a picnic on a tree stump is
even better.

We loved it. We did leave just before noon, because it was starting to get crowded and I was feeling overwhelmed.

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Eight

2011-10-01T12:31:00.003-04:00

My son is 8 years old today. I won't even say how it doesn't seem possible and that he is still my baby because I think you all know that.

Right now he's at tae kwon do because the instructor puts on a funny hat and holds the birthday kid upside down while the rest of the class sings.

The cakes are on the table, the snacks are waiting in the fridge. The balloons are hung, the house is clean, the toys the kids always fight over are hidden.

This afternoon people will come to celebrate my boy, and I'm taking a moment to just think about him and be thankful.

Here are some things about him:

-LEGOS! He will do Legos for 8 hours a day. He got a new semi truck set today, and had it put together in an hour. He has a mathematical brain that is good with patterns and he thinks of great things to build. He really loves symmetry in his Lego structures.

-Speaking of symmetry, he told me yesterday that there were an odd number of icons on the computer and it bothered him, so he deleted one. Ha! I don't know which one it was...

-He appreciates the simple things in life, and I appreciate that. His dad finished his bunk bed ladder yesterday, and you'd have thought the kid won the lottery. I am grateful for his sense of thankfulness.

-He is still a snuggly kid, thank God. He is not yet too old to hug and smooch and cuddle and sit on my lap.

-When I get to the end of a chapter in a book we're reading, if there's a cliffhanger, he will scream. He will beg me to continue and writhe around. Thus, I pause our reading and put the bookmark in during the more boring parts.

-Suddenly he doesn't like hot dogs anymore.

There is more, but he's home now so I'm going to go.

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Usual and Good

2011-09-29T21:18:00.004-04:00

My son turns 8 on Saturday. He has requested an origami party, because we've been doing that together. I've folded 2 packs of paper, and made a paper crane pinata. I'm trying to figure out how to make a partially flat thing, a paper crane, into a 3D cake. I think I've got an idea, but we'll just have to see if it works.

Update on the girl child: Goose continues to love preschool, and she wishes she could go every day. At home, she pretends to be her teachers. The first thing she tells me when I pick her up is what they had for snack. She says funny things like, "I would still love you if you were as hairy as dada. Mama, why is he?" She spent last night sleeping in the bottom bunk in her brother's room. That's a first. At 3:00 a.m. she came into our room carrying her pillow and blanket and climbed in. She asked to sleep in the bunk bed again tonight, so we'll see if she sleeps through. I love the peace I feel as a parent when I follow my child's lead on these kinds of issues. I have not pushed her to sleep in her own bed and she came to the idea on her own, and there is no stress. It's a beautiful thing.

Update on the boy child: Yep on the 8 thing. I cannot believe it. He is enjoying school too. Today he asked to write his name in cursive, so that was fun. He did a good job too. Spelling is his favorite subject. I love spelling too, so maybe that shows? He loves his science class and his helping others class. He's making a poster about our guinea pig, but he is keeping the details a surprise for me. We are reading Gregor the Overlander, and he is enthralled. Today we saw a desk by the side of the road with a FREE sign on it. After inspection, we took it home and cleared a space in his room. From the hallway, I overheard him say, "This is the best day of my life!" He put his plant on it, and his radio. He spent a long time in there listening to music and pretending to type on an old keyboard.

Things around here have been typical and usual and peaceful in a way that I find so utterly non-boring. We went to a birthday party last weekend. Here are a few pictures.

There were about a thousand kids there, and they
played restaurant for a looooong time. (By the way,
that many kids in a house for so long is hard for my
sensory kiddo. But he did really well holding it together.)

KT, do you recognize this shirt?

She latched on to the Big Bird chair.

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Shut Up, Brain

2011-09-24T08:53:00.002-04:00

I don't know why I'm having trouble writing here lately. I might be afraid of being boring, because the same things are happening as always and I've had this blog for 3 years and it starts to feel like I've told the story of the visit to the Children's Museum enough times.

But my mind is whirling, like it usually is, and so here is something I've been thinking.

What will my life be like in 20 years? I imagine that the kids will have grown up and moved out. I'm terrified that as soon as that happens, my husband will suffer a heart attack and die and I'll be all alone. scream

I know we're never truly alone blah blah, and my kids will always be my kids and I will eventually have grandkids and friends and my other family and probably he won't die young. I mean, I know I'm very lucky to have no shortage of loved ones in my life. I'll never be really alone.

But alone in my house? That could happen. My grandma had 6 kids in her household, spread out over many years. Eventually they all grew up and her husband died and she lived 2 decades alone in her house. She didn't seem lonely. Somebody visited her every day, she made lunch every day for years and often there would be a dozen people there at lunch time. But I wonder how she felt in the evenings after she watched Wheel of Fortune and the News and her house was quiet and dark. Well, maybe she enjoyed the quiet. At this moment, the quiet sounds really nice. But quiet every single day for years upon years? No thanks.

I tell my husband that we can't die until we're 96 years old and have been married for 75 years. Lately I've been worried about his health. I've long told him that I would love to take after-dinner walks together but he declines. He just doesn't exercise. He is busy with projects. Right now at this moment he is replacing the brakes on his car. So he is active in one respect, but not the kind of get-your-heartrate-up activity that one needs.

I don't know. I think probably this is just the anxiety of the week that my brain has chosen.

Hopefully next week it will move on to something less stressful. Actually, I hope my brain kicks into gear and starts worrying about Bee's birthday party because it's one week away and I've done basically nothing to get ready. Okay, that's it, gotta go make some shopping lists.

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We Got A Pet!

2011-09-19T07:47:00.003-04:00

My husband is allergic to dogs and cats. When we got married, I had a cat that was 9 years old and I wasn't going to get rid of her. So he suffered for 8 years, until she died. Then we had a preschooler and a newborn baby and no time to add a new pet. The kids have been begging for a pet--anything furry--for years.

After holding a friend's guinea pig, we knew we had found the right animal for our house.

Our local animal shelter didn't have any guinea pigs so I checked craigslist. If you want a guinea pig, I recommend craigslist. We got ours for free, and her cage and accessories for pocket change.

She's about a year old, and the kids named her Alice Wonderlee.

I was dubious about her pink eyes for a while. She just seemed a little....spooky.

But after a couple days of this, I was in love:

She does not bite. She will sit on a lap for an hour, just bubbling (purring) and sniffing the air. She is really fun to feed. She likes carrots, celery, hay, grass, and watermelon rind. She chews and chews. If you're holding her when she is eating, she stops chewing if you stop petting her. When we let her on the floor of Bee's room , she darts all around sniffing things and finding places where she will fit.

It feels so good to have a pet again. I love to take her out of her cage after the kids have gone to bed, and sit holding her on the couch.

Plus, she doesn't puke, and after my cat, I can't ask for more in a pet.

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Date Night

2011-09-16T21:29:00.004-04:00

For the first time ever, both kids are staying the night with grandparents. I am a little anxious because it's Goose's first overnight, but I think she'll be fine. The van is full of gas just in case I have to make a midnight run to get her.

We were going to have a nice date night, my husband and me. But he has a terrible, terrible cold. It's the same one I had last week, where we quarantined me so he wouldn't get sick before he photographed the wedding. After it was over though, I kissed that man and now he has my cold. But being that he is a man, it's quite unbearable for him. I made a wedding cake while ill, and he called in sick to work. Trust me, I've teased him plenty about this.

So anyway, we are just laying low, watching movies and eating pizza and hanging out in the quiet house.

It's no matter. We put our kids to bed early every night, so that by 8:00 we have the house to ourselves. I never, ever use that time for laundry or any other chores. Sometimes my guy does his projects if he is so inclined, but any night we want we can have 3 hours just for us.

Besides, we appreciate simple things and are the type to choose a night in our cozy home over a night of going somewhere.

He just told me that he's going back to the bed to rest. I asked for a kiss, and he said, "That's what started all this in the first place."

Ah, Romance.

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Green Space

2011-09-15T10:54:00.005-04:00

Our house sits on a corner lot, and if you keep walking a bit farther you will come to a path. The path eventually leads to a middle school, and some of our friends have houses right along the path as well. We have spent a lot of time walking it over the years. Right at the start of the path is a green space that is hilly, nicely mown, and populated with trees. We pick mulberries there sometimes. Another thing we like to do is load up the wagon with books, snacks, blankets, and frisbees and go to the green space to relax. It's like a little island of peace just paces from our home.

Snacks are always first.

Finding Goldbug

Reading comics

Tree climbing

It always feels like a good day when we do this. Oh sure, there are arguments over whose turn it is with the frisbee, tears over broken sticks, bug bites, scraped legs, and never enough water. But that's just life with young ones, and it's easier to deal with in such a beautiful space. Plus, if things get too hairy, home is only 30 seconds away.

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Cakes

2011-09-12T13:17:00.004-04:00

Well, here are the cakes. I am really happy with the groom's cake, a catfish!

A sea of cupcakes on my counter:

Here they are displayed at the reception, with the red cake top I made as well.

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Relief

2011-09-09T20:07:00.002-04:00

What a week I had! It seemed so busy, but mostly it was just chaos in my head.

Goose had two days of preschool which she attended by herself and she did not cry. She said she was a little nervous, but that mostly it was fun and the teacher "was nice at her." Bee and I stayed in the building, just in case. We did his school work and occasionally peeped at Goose through the classroom windows. Standing there in the sandbox with sand getting under the straps of my flip flops, I watched my baby raise her arms and dance with 2 other little girls. They giggled. Giggled! I couldn't hear it, but I could see it and I sure could feel it. She is completely in love with preschool.

A friend had surgery this week. I was holding my breath, and it felt so good to hear that she made it through okay and is healing well.

I had a cold, which is not a big deal but it meant that my husband avoided me like I was covered with black widow spiders. With good reason. He is photographing a wedding tomorrow, as the head photographer. I'm so proud of him and he cannot get sick, we won't allow it.

Another reason why my cold was annoying was because of that wedding I mentioned above. My husband is the photographer, and I am the cake maker. I should say, I was the cake maker, because that is done now, sweet relief. I spent the whole week getting sicker, trying to plan how I was going to make all this cake, and fretting.

When the bride originally asked me to make the cakes, my reaction was NO! I told her no, thank you. She told me she really loved the birthday cakes that I had done for the kids and that she wanted a funny groom's cake to surprise her man. I thought about it, and decided I could probably make that one cake. Then she told me that they decided to have cupcakes for the guests, with a small cake for the bride and groom. I thought that didn't seem so hard, so I stepped way out of my comfort zone and took the job.

It's a lucky thing that she is not a perfectionist because neither am I.

I was feeling a little better last night, and better still today. Nana and Papaw came to take care of my kids so I could focus. They took them to the movies and out to lunch. That is truly the best. So, I put my hair up on top of my head and I made those cakes. 100 cupcakes, 1 six inch round cake, and the groom's cake.

I feel so much relief I can only describe it by saying that I have an appetite again. It's over, and I can eat.

Also? I'm really, really glad I did it. I am so satisfied with the results, and with myself for taking a risk.

(I will post pictures of the cakes, probably tomorrow or Sunday, so as not to spoil the surprise for any guests who might be reading.)

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Grasshopper, Archery

2011-09-01T12:15:00.003-04:00

Tuesday afternoon we went to the park with playgroup. This park has a fountain, and the kids went wading.

One lucky kid was a grasshopper landing platform:

Today Goose had her second day of preschool, and I had a lot of fun being the class mama. I forgot to drink my coffee though, so I had a massive headache by the time it was over.

In a couple of hours we are going to a friend's house. She's a book club pal of mine, and when we read The Hunger Games she decided to realize her dream of becoming an archer. She has a great target setup in her back yard and different kinds of bows. She's going to give us a lesson, and I'm going to have so much fun pretending to be Katniss Everdeen.

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Preschool Daughter

2011-08-31T19:54:00.004-04:00

She is 3 and a half years old. Yesterday, she started her first year of preschool.

She picked out her clothes. She wanted to wear "lacy socks pulled up" and her tap shoes. We took her picture by the round bush out front, as per tradition.

She's goofy...

...and she gets a kick out of her goofy self.

I wonder if you wonder why we send her to preschool when we are a homeschooling family. Well, just in case you wonder, I'll tell you. I didn't start out as a person who planned to homeschool. I used to say, "I wish I wanted to homeschool." We sent Bee to the MOST FUN preschool ever in the history of preschools. We also sent him there for kindergarten. But, since they don't offer first grade, I had to make some choices with him. After spending months searching, I realized that homeschooling was the best option for his particular needs. So I dove in. I was surprised to discover that I love doing it. I don't have to wish to want to do it, I do and it just feels right. So anyway, I'm not at all anti-school. Our preschool is play-based and child-led, feels like a family, and is super duper fun. Bee had 3 great years there, and so will Goose, if she wants. I can't think of a better way for her to spend 2 mornings a week than painting and playing and making messes at this school.

For her first day, class was only an hour long and all the mamas stayed and played. I was lucky enough to watch her meet her teachers and talk to them a little bit. That was great because usually when someone she doesn't know asks her a question, she will look at me and say, "I want you to tell them for me."

She played in a big table of moon sand. She proclaimed this her
favorite thing of all.

She spent a while at the dollhouse.

She hammered some golf tees into styrofoam.

She also painted 2 cardboard letters and glued stuff onto them, played with the playdough, and doctored the baby dolls. She was glad to see that they were anatomically correct.

When Robin, the music teacher, came in strumming her autoharp and singing softly, my daughter was transfixed. She sat on my lap at Robin's feet and watched and listened to the songs. After a little while, Robin played Old MacDonald. When it was time to think of an animal, she pointed at Goose asking for a suggestion. Goose looked at me quickly and said, "Mama, let's go to a different classroom!" I about fell over, she is just so much like me. I do not like to be put on the spot, and neither does she. That was the point we turned back to the moon sand.

Tomorrow I am the class mama, and I get to bring the snack and stay to watch the children play. Bee will be going to work with daddy for a couple hours, which is so special for them both. Next week I will leave Goose there by herself, and we will see how that goes. She is a confident girl, and I think it will be fine.

As long as they haven't swapped out the moon sand for something else.

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What It's Like To Drive Home From the Zoo With Two Tired Kids

2011-08-25T09:49:00.003-04:00

Bee: "I want to hear Puff the Magic Dragon."
Goose: "No! I don't want that song!"

Goose: "Can you turn it up louder mama?"
Bee: "No, it's too loud already!"

Bee: "There's a smoke stack."
Goose: "That's not a smoke stack, it's a tower!"

Goose: "We're almost home!"
Bee: "No we're not, we're still an hour away."

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In my other post, I forgot to include pictures of our first day of school. Here are my color-coordinated kids.

Scrambled eggs for breakfast.

My second grader. Doesn't he look so much different with short hair?

"Take my picture too, mama, with my lipstick and my purse."

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How It's Going

2011-08-24T10:48:00.003-04:00

I gave him my alarm clock. He sets it every night so that he can wake up at 7:15 the next morning, the same time his dada wakes. This morning he went into the bathroom, and from my pillow I heard him brushing his teeth, putting on deodorant (He's only 7, but it makes him feel like a man.), and combing his hair. I got up to a fully dressed kid. After my shower and some play time, we started school. My iced coffee accompanied us.

He had two requests: origami and writing in his journal.

Our paper crane failed big time, but I'm not giving up! I'll try again after a power lunch.

He wrote in his journal secretively, and couldn't wait to surprise me with it. I did the dishes while he wrote. When he was done, he proudly showed me.

We completed a spelling lesson, and Goose reviewed letter sounds with us.

He had a worksheet about nouns. He was to fill in the blanks in sentences with nouns about camping. Every time he wrote a noun, he rewarded himself with a honey nut cheerio. That was totally his idea. Then he had to write a sentence of his own about what he would pack to camp that included two nouns. His looked like this: "I would pack a pilloo and Frogee." (Froggy is his stuffed guy who sleeps with him every night.) As he was writing his sentence, he said, "School is SO FUN!"

His sister interrupted us a few times, to show us her drawing of a person with ears, and to ask for a snack.

We did a little math review, and then he got 4 pages into a simple chapter book. I read to him for 15 minutes about democracy. It is written in a comic book style, and he is so interested in it. He wanted me to read more, but my voice was tired.

Now he's watching a tv show and eating a turkey sandwich. School makes him tired and hungry.
We are only on day 3, so we're both energetic and positive and not at all burned out. I know as the weeks pass, I'm going to have to work hard to keep up my energy. I'll also have to think of creative ways to keep him interested. We will have hard days when I will say, "Today doesn't feel like a school day so let's go outside and play!" or maybe even, "Just got play while I lie here with my eyes closed." We will have good days when I will feel great about all we accomplished at the table.

For now I'm feeling almost overwhelmingly happy about how it's going.

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Homeschool Grade 2

2011-08-20T10:29:00.004-04:00

I can barely believe that I have a second grader! He's going to turn 8 this year. What? Well, somehow it's true. He and I talked at length about his options for school this year. He decided that he wants to homeschool again. I do too, so here we go! We are going to officially start on Monday.

I think it's a good plan for him, because he says that he is very nervous about school, even though it will be at home. He was nervous last year too. It's just his nature to be nervous about new things.

He has been waking up early, around 7:00, so our routine will start with an hour of free time. He can eat, play, get dressed, watch tv, whatever he chooses. At 8:00, or whenever an hour after he wakes is, we will start lessons. I think we will spend about 2 hours each day. Which means that after 10:00, we are free! Goose is going to preschool on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, so Bee and I will do his school work during that time those days.

Other than school every morning, he will have many other activities. Mondays we have a math group with 2 other 2nd grade boys, and also tae kwon do. Tuesdays he has playgroup. Wednesdays he has tae kwon do, and every other Wednesday he is taking classes from a homeschooling mama friend. She will be teaching a 2 hour science class and a 2 hour helping others class. Those classes are with his playgroup friends. Thursdays is another playgroup that we may or may not start attending. Fridays are open, can be filled with individual playdates or field trips. Of course, the best thing about homeschooling is that all of this is flexible. I can change it up to suit our moods or plans with friends. Yay!

Here are some things:

This is a cabinet in the kitchen where I store my supplies. The new room
is not finished yet, and so we will still be doing work at the dining table.
On the inside of the door, I taped our (flexible) routine.

Some books. To be supplemented with lots of stuff from the library.

This is the math curriculum I bought. I'm curious to see how he likes it.
He said he wanted more math this year, and I searched very hard
to find a curriculum that he might enjoy.

Whoa, we need to work on spelling. :-) I hope this helps.

My favorite thing about it is how it says "Teacher's Manual."
I feel official!

I wanted to work on creative writing this year. Last year was spent
on the basics--learning to read and basic math and just getting used
to school. This year I feel like we can add more, and I think he will
enjoy writing in this journal.

So that's it! We will use our library a lot, for social studies and science books, and of course interesting things to read. I'm ready to begin!

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Through Play

2011-08-16T10:42:00.003-04:00

Last Friday at the doctor's office, the nurse did a throat swab on Bee to test for strep. She asked him to lie back and put his arms over his head. Easy enough for a feverish and shaky kid. (I found myself thinking about how dirty his feet were, because he had sat outside barefoot and watched me pull weeds the night before and I hadn't asked him to shower.) Then she asked me to hold his arms like that. I knew I wouldn't need to do it, because he wouldn't fight it. But I gently held his wrists just in case, and mostly so that he could feel my touch.

Apparently lots of kids fight the swabber, because the nurse very firmly held his tongue down with a depressor and very vigorously scrubbed his throat with the swab. Of course he did not like it, and he gagged and cried. (Though he did not try to get his hands free or escape.) When it was over he really cried, and screamed a few things at the now-closed exam room door. "You fool! You didn't have to push my tongue down so hard!" I secretly enjoyed that because I was feeling similarly, though I shushed him and soothed him.

It was at that point that I heard a small cry from behind me. I turned to see Goose, tearful and red-faced. She said, "Mama, I think I need you to holdy me."

I had been so absorbed in what Bee was experiencing, I hadn't thought about how it might be affecting her. The kids cried together for a while, and hugged. It was really quite sad. Goose repeatedly asked me to tell her what had happened. I eventually got their faces wiped and we received news that the swab was negative for strep so we went home.

*************************************

This morning I was in the bathroom putting on mascara and listening to Goose play in our bedroom. She had Rainbow Bright tucked under the covers, and was telling her to put her arms over her head. "Now here is the test stick and it's going to hurt." I heard some rustling around. "Okay, the stick is all done and now you can know if you're sick." "It's okay, mommy will holdy you."

Then she came into the bathroom and told me that she had used the test stick on Rainbow Bright and that she was crying a lot. We went and comforted her.

Goose is my kid who really plays out her feelings. Most kids do that, but she really does it. Not a day goes by where I don't hear her dictating a conversation between 2 dollhouse people who are having some sort of conflict. "I know you were mad, but it's not right to hit her." or "Well, you can't have a cookie right now because dinner is ready. You can have one after dinner." Then she makes the cookie-requester cry for a while.

She tells me that they are talking about things.

She's like a mini psychiatrist, and I learn something from her every day.

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Bubble Babies

2011-08-15T13:47:00.004-04:00

Last week was...long and full of illness, but not awful or anything. I feel such gratitude for my life, that even when things are tough there is still an undercurrent of joy and simplicity. Bee's fever came back, Goose ended up puking and also with a fever, I didn't feel great. But we spent the whole week at home, on the couch, watching tv and reading Swiss Family Robinson. One afternoon, the kids took a bubble bath together. That made for a fun photo opportunity.

Tuesday when I thought Bee was well, we went to playgroup. It became clear that evening that he wasn't really well yet. I hope none of the other kids caught his virus. The doctor confirmed it was just a virus, which is always the case with my kids. I don't think they've had a bacteria in their lives, but the viruses thrive in my family.

One good thing about being home with sick kids all week was that I had the time to do some things. Here are a few things I did:

-Cleaned out the van. Wow, it was really bad. Now it is much less bad.
-Cleaned under a shelf. Found 3 golf balls, 2 marbles, several pieces of cereal, and a year's worth of dust.
-Went through the kids' closets and dressers, removing too-small items and making way for new fall clothes. Waaaah! That sucked. I got teary looking at the little dresses and pajamas that no longer fit. I have a box for each kid that I save the special things in, but both boxes are already packed tight.
-Phone calls and letter writing all caught up.
-Homeschool organizing and planning for this year. (I will post more about this later in the week.)

Anyway, we were glad to get out in the world today. We met friends at the park this morning, and it was nice and cool which gave me so much more energy. We ran into some other friends at lunch. Goose has named her baby a thousand things today: Cuzza, okiedokie, Neeknok, Pashua, Papabelle, Enchilada...

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Unexplained Anxiety

2011-08-09T09:06:00.003-04:00

I woke up this morning with anxiety coursing through my body. I remember a few scary dreams, but I am not usually too affected by my dreams, once it's morning. Other than Bee being sick, there's nothing situational happening that would cause this. Just biology, I suppose. I'm anxious enough that I don't even need coffee.

I feel like there are 30 things I'm forgetting to do. I feel as though I need to do stuff faster, faster, faster. My heart is pounding and I feel slightly out of breath.

Thank God for Zoloft, that's all I have to say. I know that if not for that drug, I'd be having a full-on panic attack right now.

I'm wondering if Bee has swimmer's ear. He learned how to swim! Did I mention that here? One day he just went down under the water and took off. Over the course of a week, he went from needing a floatie to swimming across the pool, jumping in, and diving for things on the bottom. Here's a video of his second day swimming:

He is still sleeping. He's been asleep for over 14 hours now, and is on day 4 of a fever. That is, if he still has one when he wakes up. I think I'll take him to the doctor today to check his ears and throat. He has never had an ear infection or strep throat, but I want to be sure.

I'm going to go get showered so that I can be ready to go if he wakes up sick.

**UPDATE** He woke up feeling great, with no fever! Hooray!

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Evening Chaos

2011-08-08T10:11:00.004-04:00

I want to tell you about the chaos that was last evening, but first I must give you the weekend back story.

Saturday we drove to my cousin's house to visit. We got to see my mom (who got a new part time job, hooray for her!), my aunt, 2 cousins, and 2 children of cousins. This happened:

I noticed that Bee looked a little tired.

We went to my mother-in-law's house after that, to stay the night before the family reunion on Sunday. Bee thought he might swim in her wading pool, but suddenly decided not to and ran into the house. He flopped onto the couch and there he stayed for the next 20 hours. Fever. Headache. Queasy stomach. He and I did not go to the reunion.

Sunday night we drove home. Goose fell asleep in the car, which I thought would be great because maybe I could transfer her to bed and she'd sleep all night. Nope. She woke up when we got home at 7:30, like she was waking up from an afternoon nap.

We went to our bed and I lay beside Goose and tried to help her go back to sleep. Bee was still feeling sickly, and he joined us in the bed, and fell asleep by 8:00. Goose couldn't sleep. She didn't end up going to sleep until 11:30. At about 10:00, Bee had a night terror. One of the worst he's ever had.

Do you have experience with night terrors? They are not nightmares or bad dreams.

They are really awful. Bee has had them his whole life, though less frequently these days. Anyway, he screamed and jabbered and pointed and acted really scared--all while asleep. Usually we can wake him up and he will come out of it and go back to sleep, or else we can just lull him back to sleep pretty quickly. There was no lulling this time. He was screaming so loudly. In desperation I even dripped water on his face and he didn't wake up.

Meanwhile Goose was in bed listening to all this, and it totally freaked her out. She started to scream and cry in fear. My husband went in to help her, but she only wanted me. So we switched and he went in with Bee and I went in with Goose. There was much screaming and crying, from both children, for far longer than I am used to.

I think I felt more chaotic inside my heart--out of proportion with the chaos in the house. There is just something about crying children that undoes me.

The plus side is that the kids and I slept until 9:00 this morning! I feel good. Bee still has a fever. Today will be spent quietly at home with the laundry and the sick child in his nest on the couch and the well child running all over this place making tea parties and doing puzzles.

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It's Morning, So Here's A Rooster

2011-08-05T09:00:00.003-04:00

We went to the fair 2 Sundays ago, and my husband took a portrait of a rooster. I really like it.

Whenever I see a rooster, I think, "Wake up!" Which is just what I need to do. I need to get busy. Although the last 2 hours of doing pretty much nothing have been good.

I hope you have a good day, whether you're getting busy or doing nothing.

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Super Duper Day of Fun!

2011-08-04T20:11:00.006-04:00

My personality is really well suited to doing outings with the kids. While I am definitely a homebody, doing fun things with them is the exception to that rule. I go into vacation mode and can go and go and go all day. (My husband gets migraines on long busy days, and he would have hated all the running around and the time table, so we went on a work day. He was relieved but we missed him terribly.) Sometimes I just need to get out of town and do something bigger than going on a walk or baking bread. Usually we spend the day doing one thing, such as the zoo. I had the idea that I wanted to fill a whole day with surprises, big and small. Here is the result.

I got everything ready, including myself, then woke the kids at 7:00 and had them get dressed. By 7:15 we were out the door. First we went to the doughnut shop, which I think would have been surprise enough for Bee. (We threw out the gluten free/dairy free diet for the day.) Goose had sprinkles on hers, and later she said that the sprinkles were her favorite part of the day. I forgot to take a picture of the doughnuts.

Then we drove to Indianapolis and went to the zoo. When we pulled in, Bee said, "I knew it!" We got there right as they opened and it gave me a thrill to get the closest parking spot. I'm easy to please. Even on big days, it's the little things.

Shark petting--which did have a spookier feeling this time
since I've been watching a lot of "Shark Week" programming.

There's a bear back there.

Playground. It took her forever to work up the courage to
get on this, because if there was another kid within about 3
feet she felt like it wasn't her turn.

The new baby elephant, nursing! I loved seeing this.
I felt such sympathy for the mama as the calf popped off
and then on again, following every whim.

We also saw the dolphin show, tigers, cheetahs, lions, rhinos, baboons, you get the idea. After 3 hours, I told the kids it was time to go to the gift shop to pick out a small toy. I NEVER let them get a toy at the gift shop. Well, maybe once or twice I have. Mostly because we are on a tight budget and the big treat is the zoo itself. But on Super Duper Day of Fun! they got to pick a toy. Bee picked a box of shark teeth fossils. Goose picked a tube of candy with a toy giraffe on the top.

The next surprise was a picnic at White River Gardens. We are a picnic loving family.

The gardens.

We sat in chairs for this picnic, because the ants were crazy.

The kids were bursting to know what the next surprise was. It was the Children's museum, of course!

They repaired some coral.

They gathered and dumped rocks.

Cotton Candy break!

This is how excited she was to be in line for the carousel.

This is how excited she was while on the ride.
"How much longer until it stops, mama?"

This guy loved it though.

He amused himself greatly with this.

Here is he wearing a galabiya in an Egyptian store.

We did a bunch of other stuff at the museum, and after 3 hours I again told them they could go pick out a toy at the gift shop. Kid heaven, I tell ya. Bee picked a wooden cobra that wiggles creepily and has already scared me multiple times, as well as a green motorcycle. Goose picked a water barbie doll, and a dress to go with it.

Then we were off to the next surprise. I parked in downtown Indy. Here are my kids on the street.

Goose was getting a little weary, but she perked up after dinner.

Dinner at their favorite restaurant.

Then we went to the next surprise place, miniature golf. I think riding on the escalators at the mall was as much fun as the golf. Also, may I just say here that it's a little scary when your nearly 8 year old boy wants to go to the public bathroom on the men's side? My gut wouldn't let me allow it, and so he had to come with me to the women's side. But I know the day is coming that I will have to let him pee with the men. Anyway, back to the golf.

She tried it like this for a while, then took to
dancing with her club and jumping off the platforms.
Either way, it was fun!

He liked it so much, he played through twice.
At the last hole, he got a hole-in-one, which
earned him a free game next time we come.
I think he felt like a magician.

Then we headed home, and they were sure the surprises were done. But we stopped at the store and I let them choose some candy. Goose chose a pack of gum, and Bee chose a push pop.

We got home around 8:30, which left just enough time for a quick dip in the pool, and both kids asleep by 9:00.

That was yesterday, and today was a stay at home day, except for tae kwon do class. It all balances out.

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Extending, Withdrawing

2011-07-27T22:13:00.002-04:00

The last 6 or so days have been full like you wouldn't believe. There have been all day outings, 2 pool parties, the fair, friends over, going to visit friends out of town, grandparents visiting...on and on.

It felt like summer was getting away from me and I had promised things to people and suddenly I needed to make it all happen. Bam! All in the span of a week. I'm like that, when I start moving on a path, I continue on until it's done without stopping to rest.

I love doing these things.

But I notice that whenever I extend myself socially in these ways, especially so many things in such a short time, I tend to withdraw into myself more than ever. I find myself surrounded by people and not able to come out of my head.

I stared into space daydreaming while 14 other people played in my pool. Last night I spent an hour watching American Pickers and picking at my toenail polish. We've had to switch up the tae kwon do schedule in order to fit it in, and there are different mothers in the waiting area. Different mothers. That is just too much social stress right now.

After this weekend, things will move back to our more typical pace. I will feel glad to have done such fun things with such wonderful people, and I will feel glad that now I can rest my weary self. I think I've written about this a hundred times on my blog. "I'm too busy but I love it but it's hard!!"

I have got to learn some moderation in this area. Why can't I be content to have 2 or 3 social things per week? Why is it that I have to have 14 things, or no things?

It might be because I really love the things. Well, the people. I don't want to do fewer things.

But I need to.

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Dreams, First Year

2011-07-19T10:01:00.003-04:00

Last night I had nightmare after nightmare about my husband dying. It was horrible. I'd wake up from one dream with my heart in my stomach, then full of relief that it was a dream, only to fall back asleep and dream another one. Ugh. In one of the dreams he was being chased by a buffalo-dinosaur thing. When Bee woke up, he said he had a "pile of bad dreams" so I think maybe it was something in the air or something we ate.

In thinking about it this morning, I imagined our life span together. You must understand, I met my husband when we were 12 years old. We fell in love at age 15 and have grown together since then. We've been together over half our lives. I picture us being 60 years old and going on sweet honeymoons, 75 years old and sitting in the movie theater, 99 years old and holding great-grandbabies and feeling 33 on the inside.

We got married when we were 21, near the end of our junior year of university. We married, had a party at my grandma's house, and then moved into married student housing. We lived there for a little over a year. After we graduated we bought our house and have been here since. Even though we've lived here for 11 years, and only lived there for 1, my memories of that apartment are so vivid. It's as if we spent a lifetime there. Such sweetness.

I remember borrowing movies from the library a couple buildings over. Walking to the swing-set across the field. Cooking spaghetti dinners with candlelight to greet him as he came home from work. Having our friends over and feeling very grown up. Watering my new houseplant in the sill of that huge window.

I remember a lot.

Walking back to our apartment building, from the swing-set.

She Says

2011-07-17T12:18:00.005-04:00

Here are some quotes from my 3 year old daughter, all from this morning.

1. "I really love your bloomed flowers. I can't believe how you made them! Did you really make them, mama?"

2. "When I was a kid, I used to visit my granny bear."

3. "Mama, will you sing that song about how 'my bunnies fly over the ocean, bring back my bunnies to me?' I love that song."

4. "I wish my Nana could come back today."

She took this self-portrait of her feet.

I love her so deeply.

John Deere Combine Cake Directions

2011-07-15T18:49:00.005-04:00

You may ignore this post unless you are my sister or my niece. Or I suppose if you are really curious how to make a combine cake, you could read this. It's heavy on the pictures, because my niece is planning to make one for her 4-H project and this was the easiest way to share my pictures. At times like these, I'm thankful that my husband is a photographer. (At times when I'm running around the house in ratty underwear and an old t-shirt cleaning up crusty dishes, it's less desirable.)

So I started with a quarter sheet cake. (I suppose you'll start with a 16"x20"x2" styrofoam block. I cut a piece of wood about 5x8 inches. Maybe not quite that big? I covered it with foil. Then I cut 2 slabs of cake that size as well, and piled them on top, with icing in between. Here is a picture of that:

Then I picked an end to be the back, and rounded the edges, like this:

I cut a wedge shaped piece of cake to be the cab, and attached it with icing and shish-kabob skewers. I also made a hopper like a rectangle with a bowl hollowed out inside. Here are some pictures of those:

Then I covered the whole thing in green stars, like so:

Here is a close-up of the cab, after I iced the top, but before I did the windows. Notice how the hopper is right up to the cab on top:

I poked in a bendy straw to be the auger. I cut the bent part a little shorter. I used a smooth tip to pipe icing on all around it:

I dipped my finger in corn starch to pat the icing smooth. The corn starch just soaks in:

I put on the toy combine head. (I'll get it to you somehow!) I attached a ding dong with frosting for the front wheels, and chocolate covered donettes for the back wheels, and a little yellow icing for details. Candy corn in the hopper:

Gray for the windows, lined in black:
Done!

Good luck! I know you can do it.

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Solitude, Sunburn

2011-07-15T07:26:00.004-04:00

I've been staying up too late the last few weeks. I have such a strong need for solitude that it trumps sleep. You are never alone when you have small children, which is both wonderful and challenging for someone like me. I begin to get snappish and overwhelmed if I don't have time for my mind to wander down thought-paths alone. I love to have my family around me, but I also love to have time to complete a thought inside my own head.

(Sometimes I feel like I must qualify every complaint. Like I'm not entitled to complain, because I am so blessed. Like if I complain, it must mean I'm not grateful. I am so grateful! But I still have complaints. Of course.)

The trouble is that when I am granted solitude in the form of my family going out for a while, I only wish I were with them on their adventure. So my favorite form of solitude is when my family is asleep at night, and I'm awake with the moon and my thoughts or a book.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Something pissing me off is that I got a sunburn yesterday. ARG! Ever since I had a precancerous mole removed during my pregnancy with Bee I have been serious about sun protection. I wear sunscreen on my face every single day.

Yesterday we met friends for a picnic by the fish pond. I set up our blanket under a shade tree, and we proceeded to eat and chat for an hour or so. Then we moved over to the side of the pond (sunny) to feed the fish and watch the frogs. I had the sunscreen in my picnic basket, but completely forgot about it in the chaos and joy that is trying to talk with a grownup while keeping 4 children from falling in the pond and watching every neat thing they call us to watch.

So yeah, I'm burned. I put on the aloe. I will avoid the sun today. I apologized to my skin. Especially my chest. It is prone to freckles and I just know it is going to get all chicken-y as I age. (Once when Bee was 3, he told me my breasts were very long. Hmmm. Long, chicken skin breasts. Sigh.)

The kids didn't burn, thank goodness. Neither did my face, due to my daily facial-sunscreen-after-I-shower habit.

Oh well, no use worrying about it now. I wrote about it, so I can kick it out of my brain.

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Down Time

2011-07-13T09:30:00.004-04:00

We have been busy lately, of course. I mean, who isn't? But we still have plenty of time at home to do a whole lot of nothing big. Which, in my opinion, is the big stuff anyway.

It is wonderfully hot here, high 90s. We are spending hours in our pool.

One day a gray tree frog joined us. He was too jumpy to catch.

But he let us pet him.

We've baked some things. It's really nice to make something special
and not have to take it to a pitch-in. I do love pitch-ins, but I realized
I rarely make this kind of thing to have at home.

Playtime in the front yard, when it's not too hot. (This was not the same day, Goose
wore that dress for about a week.) They made a small dirt patch, then
peeled the seedy things off a certain kind of weed and filled it up.

Time out for a hug.

This is a funny story. I found a wolf spider in our kitchen. I grabbed a towel to dry
my hands, and it jumped out and I really, truly overreacted. Bee ran down to see
what was up, and when I told him it was a wolf spider, he ran out into the yard
and said he was moving out. I checked on him after I got rid of the spider. (A
euphemism, I actually killed it.) Anyway, he was on this stack of tires.
He asked me to take the picture, as he re-enacted his scared face.

Spin The Night

2011-07-08T09:47:00.002-04:00

Here is a sweet picture of my kiddos with my dad.

My kids are lucky to have all the grandparents they do. They love them very much and all of them are so involved.

Tomorrow Bee is going to my dad's house to spend the night. He did that for the first time when he was 3, and he thought I was saying, "Spin the night." He wondered if it would be like spinning inside a tornado. Yet, he was willing to go along with it, and was even excited. That's a pretty great level of trust and love.

It reminds me of when we went to Paris when he was 4. We went to the Eiffel Tower, and told him we were going to go up to the top. He asked if we could go only to the second level, because he was nervous about going all the way to the top. We told him that was fine. After we had that adventure and were safely back on the ground, he told us he had thought we were going to climb up the outside of the tower, as if it were a big jungle gym.

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Stranger Danger?

2011-07-07T07:39:00.002-04:00

Last night I was cooking supper when the kids asked to go out in the front yard to play. I told them that was fine. We don't necessarily practice free range parenting, but I certainly think it's fine for the kids to be in their own yard for a bit while unsupervised. I reminded Goose to stay in the yard with her brother, though she has never ever gone into the road. I proceeded to chop an onion and measure out the rice. After about 5 minutes, I went to the front door to check on them.

Here is the scene I saw:

-Goose across the street in the grass petting the cat that we rescued.

-A white car stopped at the side of the road, with a young man (a stranger) in the driver's seat.

-Bee talking with said young man, looking extremely agitated.

Yikes!

The man said to me, "I didn't think she should be across the street, so I stopped to help."

I thanked him for stepping in to help. Then I went to get Goose, and reminded her that she should stay in the yard. I thanked the man again and he drove away. I went to talk to Bee to get the full story.

Oh boy, was he upset!

He told me that he had crossed the street with Goose so she could see the cat. (He is allowed to cross our street, I never thought to ask him not to help his sister do it.)

Then the man pulled up and asked him what the rules are, and if she should be there, and said that Bee looked 10 and she looked 1 so he should get her back in the yard. Apparently this conversation lasted a couple minutes, with Bee yelling at the guy that she's fine over there, and that he's only 7. He gave me a much longer play-by-play of the conversation but he was speaking so fast and angrily that I don't remember much of it.

According to Bee, they argued quite a lot. He said the man was mean. Since I was out of sight for less than 5 minutes, I don't think there was time for everything that he said happened to transpire. Regardless, I could tell that Bee felt like he had been very kind to help Goose cross the street and resented being told otherwise by this man.

Bee was inconsolable. He sat on the couch and cried and yelled for 15 minutes. I tried to talk with him, but he said he wouldn't be ready to talk about it for weeks. Finally, an hour or so later, he discussed it with me. I told him he absolutely wasn't in trouble, and that it's hard to know how to react in that sort of a situation, especially when you're 7. We talked about how he could have come to get me. He said he didn't think of that. I mentioned that talking to strangers can be great and that's how we make friends, but if that stranger is an adult, I like to know about it.

I talked about how the man was probably a very nice guy, and that he was doing a favor by helping to keep Goose safe. How it takes a village and all that. How if I drove up on the same situation, I might also be concerned. (Especially if I thought the child was 1 year old, as this man did.)

I think my senses are a little heightened on this subject, because there is a missing college girl in our town. She has been gone about a month now, and her face peers at me from fliers on every corner. It makes me so sad. I was reading online about the case a couple nights ago, and then started reading about another case of a missing girl from our town several years ago. Anyway, although I am not usually fearful of strangers and I don't fret about this sort of thing because it's so rare, it's been on my mind a lot. When I saw that car out there, my heart sank. When I realized that he was just trying to help (surely?) I felt ridiculous. I mean, I honestly do feel that a community should be united and that we should all help each other. It's what I want. I don't like to second guess the motives of other people. I don't like that I have to talk to my kids about how to interact with strangers, because there are creeps out there. Ugh.

Tell me your thoughts on this issue. I need some comforting words.

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Spending Money

2011-07-06T08:50:00.003-04:00

Being a one-income family can be challenging, though for us it is worth it. A while ago, my husband and I started giving ourselves an allowance. Just a small amount of money each paycheck that we can spend on whatever we want, no guilt. Before we did this, I was incapable of talking myself into buying even a magazine or a candy bar.

So while it's a small amount of money, every few months I think, "I'll save up for LASIK surgery! It'll only take a few years!" I am always tired of having to wear glasses. I have tried contacts several times over the years, but I have severe allergies to every saline solution I've tried, and I've never been able to not feel the contacts in my eyes. So it's glasses for me. I like summer, because outside I can wear my prescription sunglasses and feel like a person who is just wearing sunglasses, like everyone else.

Then I examine my feelings, and realize that yes, not having to wear glasses would be more convenient, but mostly it's vanity. I don't want to use all my spending money on stupid vanity. I cling to the LASIK idea for a couple weeks, then I realize I'd rather buy a yogurt maker, or new books for my nook, or lunch at a restaurant, or movie tickets for the whole family.

My vanity can be appeased by purchasing new summer dresses or long flowy skirts from goodwill, letting my hair be curly and wild, and putting in huge earrings.

I'll save the money for other stuff.

How do you use your spending money?

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Scrabble, Cat Update

2011-06-29T14:58:00.003-04:00

It is fun to play Scrabble with a 7 year old.

He always thinks he can't make any words, then I remind him about silent e or three letter short-vowel words, and he can usually come up with something. Then he sings the "Silent E Is a Ninja" song for hours and hours.

The cat that we rescued has been coming around to visit. She actually lets us pet her. She refused some chicken the other day, so I guess she's finding food somewhere. Now the other neighborhood cat and this new one play together in our yard. We see them at least once a day. It feels good to have cats in our yard.

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Glory

2011-06-25T21:55:00.003-04:00

Being a mama is a fine, fine glory.

I feel a little thrill inside when I see things like this.

This, the evidence that she has her own ideas and carries them out is enough to send me onto the couch to catch my breath. She is herself! How amazing is that?

Also, this.

He thought of this--funny little pillow houses, with just enough room for both of them. They bring so much laughter into my days.

Today my husband changed the oil in my car and smooched me in the kitchen and went with me to a funeral--he is also a glory. We spent a few hours this evening in our living room with friends, laughing our faces off. I am so thankful for friends.

I just tried camembert cheese for the first time, for no other reason than it was on sale and I wanted to. It was delicious. I had seven slices on crackers, warmed slightly. I've never had bad cheese. I think I'll have more for breakfast.

Oh there were tantrums today, and a bit of moodiness, and just the general things that happen in a family on any given day. But the small things have a way of bolstering me up and carrying me over those things. Certainly not every day feels like a fabulous day, but today was a great one and I am appreciating it all, down to the very last cracker crumb.

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Cat Tale

2011-06-24T08:09:00.003-04:00

Last Saturday morning I was really busy. I had 4 hours to wrap 5 gifts, pack the whole family for an overnight, make a broccoli salad and coconut macaroons, and get everyone bathed and dressed. I was on the phone with my sister while wrapping, and noticed my husband go outside to work on the swimming pool. When he took the cover off this year, a ton of leaves got in the pool, and he's been cleaning it bit by bit. Several minutes later, he came back in and told me that he just pulled a cat out of the pool. I hung up the phone and grabbed towels and the camera and ran out.

I saw this poor kitty.

He had used a plank to help her out. I'm so thankful he went
outside to clean the pool and saw her!

He told me that it appeared that the cat had been swimming for some time, just barely able to expend the energy to keep her head above water. When I saw her, she was shaking, not able to stand or walk, and one ear was bothering her.

I wrapped her up in towels and we took her to our upstairs bathroom. we got out a space heater, and I set her down on the heating pad. The kids took turns petting her with a towel to help her dry. She was so scared, but mostly just sickly. I recognized her as a cat that I've seen around the neighborhood. She's mostly wild. She'll stop to look at people but not come near. But she let us take care of her, and stopped yowling when she realized how warm the heating pad was. She lay down on it, and after an hour she stopped shivering.

She enjoyed a can of tuna.

This girl stayed beside her the whole time, and even offered her a
bow to play with. She named her Raccoon.

So eventually Raccoon felt better, though her ear was still weird. She began to get upset at being held captive, and was crying to get out and didn't want to be touched any more. So we took her outside and let her go. She ran off across the street and through the pine trees.

It turns out though, that someone got really attached to Raccoon in the hour that we had her. I took this video more than an hour after we let the cat go. She'd been sobbing the whole time, but I did have her permission to make the video.

So utterly sad. Waaah!

We have since noticed Raccoon walking around the neighborhood. She seems to be doing well. She let my husband pet her one evening. Goose doesn't seem sad anymore, when she talks about the cat she talks about how we rescued her.

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Portrait Results

2011-06-23T08:53:00.004-04:00

I'm so pleased with our family portraits! Here they are my favorite shots.

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Orange

2011-06-21T23:04:00.003-04:00

He's an orange belt now! He was terribly nervous about this test, demonstrated clearly when he told me several times over the days leading up to the test, "I don't want to talk about it!" But he had courage and he took the test.

He passed.

I'm so proud. Grampy came down to watch the test, and he took us all out for ice cream to celebrate.

Bee opted for orange sherbet, because he's an orange belt now.

There's only one downside to being an orange belt. He told me that night that "looking at the color orange gives him a stomach ache."

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A List

2011-06-18T09:58:00.003-04:00

1. We are back from our camping trip. The good: hanging with my mom, Goose touched a snake, Bee had lots of fun with his friend, yummy food, glow sticks, earlier in the week we hiked up the creek and stood behind the waterfall, relaxation, seeing my sister and her kids. The bad: I'm covered in bug bites, Bee's friend made a friend at the playground and spent more time with that new friend than with my kid, trying to keep the mud out of the camper, smokey laundry.

2. Last night Bee had his orange belt test for tae kwon do! He was nervous all day. He kept saying, "Let's not talk about it." But he gathered his courage and he did it. I'm so proud. My dad took us out for ice cream after. Bee got orange sherbet to match his new belt.

3. A cat or some other animal tipped over the bowl with our remaining tadpoles. It would have been fun to watch them change. But it's okay, our backyard is overrun with frogs as it is.

4. I've been reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels by Charlaine Harris. I don't know why, but I love vampire fiction. These books have sucked me in. I'm on the tenth book now. They are quick and easy to read--only takes me about 2 days to finish one. If you want to read a comical but also exciting vampire book, I highly recommend these.

5. My husband took a picture of what he sees every morning as he wakes for work.

I love sharing a pillow with this girl.

Gone Camping

2011-06-15T10:00:00.003-04:00

It is pouring rain and thundering, and so of course we are going camping. We've visited my mom's campsite every day this week to hike, eat, roast things, and lounge around. We walked up the creek and stood behind a waterfall. We went to the nature center. Last night Bee made friends with kids from two other campsites and they spent a couple of hours playing. That was neat, he sure is learning how to manage his anxiety.

Today we are bringing one of Bee's friends with us, and we're staying over night. I hope the rain stops so that we don't spend the whole time cooped up in the camper. But I have a feeling it will be fun either way, as little boys can find ways to entertain themselves.

So I'll chat again when we get back!

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Family Portraits

2011-06-11T09:38:00.004-04:00

We are running around trying to get ready for family portraits. It's chaos! I wish I would have gone and bought a new shirt. I'm writing this in my bra because I can't choose something. At least Bee got a haircut and Goose let me wash her hair. I'm getting better at portraits, but I still have a hard time smiling on cue and looking natural. Here is a progression of our photos as a family. I think in the last one I'm looking a little more relaxed.

(My husband makes me swoon in this one.)

All of these photos were taken in fall or winter. I'm having a hard time choosing a summer shirt. I usually wear tank tops in summer, but I don't want that much arm showing in the portrait. Also, my hair is naturally curly. In winter I can straighten it, but in summer it's much to humid to do that. It would just end up half curly. So I am having my first portrait done with curly hair. Why do I care? Why do portraits scare me? It might be because I imagine the kids looking back at these portraits and getting a feel for our whole life from them. This is what my parents looked like when I was a kid. That's a lot of pressure!

Wish me luck, and a natural smile.

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Bits and Bobs

2011-06-10T08:21:00.002-04:00

Last week we went to the zoo with my mom and sister. It felt like the first day of summer. It had been way too long since we'd been. They changed the tiger viewing area, and it was pretty incredible. Watch this video for proof:

Then, on Sunday my mother-in-law and her husband came to visit. We ate at a greek restaurant and the waitress lit our cheese on fire. The kids played under the table for a lot of the meal. They whispered and giggled. I never quite know what to do in situations like that. I think it's important to follow etiquette rules for things that have an impact on other people--basically respect people and don't be hurtful or annoying. Them playing under the table seemed vaguely inappropriate but I couldn't figure out why. They weren't hurting anyone and were being quiet. We ended up just letting them do it, but occasionally calling them back up to sit. *shrug*

I had my book club meeting that night. Four hours with some really cool women, talking and eating. We had read Geek Love and it was a crazy book. There was a lot to discuss. It was about a traveling carnival, and so we had carnival food. I made funnel cakes. There were margaritas, soft pretzels, chili, corn on the cob, nachos, fruit...man I'd like a repeat of that evening.

This week has been eventful as well. We officially finished school. We started the summer reading program at the library. I had an ophthalmology appointment. While the doctor was examining me, Goose said, "Be careful Mama." and "You're the best mama in the world." I think she was a little nervous. We learned that Bee is ready to test for his orange belt next Friday. I had a gallbladder attack. A friend recommended that I do a gallbladder cleanse, and I'm considering it. I have no idea if it's a bunch of hooey, but it seems like it's worth a try to avoid a recurrence or surgery.

That was our week. Today we are going to relax at home. What are you up to?

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Lucky Ones

2011-06-07T10:24:00.003-04:00

There is a college girl missing in our town. News like that paralyzes me. I feel like there's nothing I can do. Sure, I'll say some prayers and think about her family. But my husband, I am so proud of that man. He joined a search party and spent a few hours last night walking and searching. He is a person of action, a concrete thinker and a doer. Someone needed to stay with the children so he could do that though, and that person was me. He and I are different in just the right ways--our strengths support each others' strengths.

When he came back we talked about his experience, and spent some time talking about how lucky we are. We know where our children are, and that simple fact is quite amazing. When I boil life down to the basics, I am astounded my by luck.

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Eighth One Gone

2011-06-03T09:27:00.002-04:00

Bee has never liked losing teeth. He's the type to let the loose tooth hang by a thread and still never pull it out. He protects them, only eating applesauce and smoothies. For the seven teeth he lost prior to this week, he let them fall out on their own. But then one of his friends told him that if he pulled the tooth out himself, the tooth fairy would give him way more money.

Behold, his new attitude regarding tooth loss:

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Balanced

2011-06-02T09:03:00.003-04:00

This past Tuesday was somehow a perfectly balanced day. I spent the morning doing the household chores that I needed and wanted to do. I spent 48 minutes folding and putting away a mountain of laundry. I vacuumed the floors. I did the dishes. As I worked, I spoke on the phone with my sister and a friend. I took a long shower and exfoliated my legs and shaved and put on lotion. Felt like a luxury.

Then we did school for an hour, and it was fun for all of us. (We are so close to finished for the year!) Bee wrote a poem about love, here it is:

Love is nice.
Love is dice.
Love is ice.

He's a fan of rhyming.

Then we went to the backyard for 3 hours of sweetness. I always feel like a good mama when I sit outside with the kids. I set up the slip-n-slide, but forgot to take pictures of it. I set up the wading pool. The kids had the good idea to put the slide into it.

Our big pool isn't open yet, but soon. The winter cover is still on it and filled with rainwater, and we discovered that it was full of tadpoles. Bee, of course, had to catch some.

We put the tadpoles in a fish bowl, and it will be fun to watch them develop into frogs.

Bee has a tiny garden area. We spent some time weeding it and he planted 6 corn seeds. I hope it works this year. This will be our third year trying it, and the previous attempts were failures. The first year the bunnies ate the plants. The second year we put up a fence, but the corn only got 2 feet tall and didn't grow any more. This year we put new soil there, so hopefully it will work. It's pretty sad, because my dad is a farmer and I should know how to do this!

So anyway, I had a great afternoon feeling fully present with my kiddos. We went to tae kwon do, then came home and I cooked dinner. The kids went to bed early, and I had a couple hours with my husband. I really love when the kids go to bed early. Then it was still early enough that I was able to have an hour to myself.

It was a rare day where I felt like I did everything to the best of my ability. Many days I feel good about one or two of my roles--like maybe I was a great friend that day and a great mama, but not a great wife. Or I was a great house cleaner but not a great mama. You know? It was nice to have a day where I felt good about all that stuff, and the doing of it was relaxing.

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In Praise of a Niece

2011-05-27T11:36:00.004-04:00

Aside from my own babies, she is the first human I witnessed being born into the world.

She had a tiny little body.

I have been so blessed to watch her grow.

She has learned to do so many things. She is super funny.

I've been lucky to be along for the ride for many of her experiences.

The above photo is how she looks most of the time these days. She is probably the happiest, most cheerful baby I have ever met. Even when she's grouchy, she seems cheerful, if that's possible.

She loves fiercely, she plays with exuberance, and her existence lights up my life.

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Newborn Kittens!!!

2011-05-24T21:39:00.005-04:00

Bee spent two nights with my mom, and just returned home today. It was a nice break but it's wonderful to have him back! Right now both kids are in bed and my husband is downstairs making an extension cord (I know, right?) and all I can think about are the teeny baby kittens my sister has.

We visited her after we dropped Bee off, and I was so thrilled to see those 6 day old treasures.

Squeeeeeeeal!

We always had a lot of cats around us growing up on the farm: literally dozens of cats. We loved it when a round-bellied cat showed up one day with a flaccid belly and teats full of milk. That meant we could spend a couple hours searching the hayloft and barns until we found the litter of little squeakers. It was so exciting to count them and see their colors.

We didn't have to search for this bunch, they were born in a box in my sister's home. But it was still really exciting to see them. It was Goose's first experience with newborn kittens.

I couldn't have counted how many times she said, 'Aaaaaaaw!"

It reminded me so much of the time Bee first encountered newborn kittens, so I want to share some pictures from that day too. It was 2007.

I like to watch dogs and be near dogs, but I am through and through a cat person. When I was pregnant I would dream almost nightly that I birthed my baby and it was a cat. Dream-Me was thrilled. I would love to get another cat, but my husband is allergic. Maybe someday we will get a Russian Blue.

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Differently Similar

2011-05-23T15:46:00.004-04:00

My son, bless his sweet heart, is not capable of being rushed. You cannot prod him into action. Directives go into his ears and take a nice long nap before rising to meet the challenge. He is a guy who takes his time. Even if we're going somewhere completely awesome, like the zoo, he will spend 20 minutes finding his shoes. Another 20 to put them on.

To be honest it's one reason we homeschool. Getting him out the door and ready for kindergarten was tricky every day. He would be awake 2 hours before we had to leave, and still it felt like we were rushing. Nowadays we have a very relaxed schedule. Really the only place we have to be at a specific time is taekwondo. I give him half an hour to put on his uniform.

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My daugher, bless her sweet heart, is ready to go. In kind of an extreme way. If I tell her in the morning that we have to get ready because we're going to the store, she runs down and puts on her shoes in 15 seconds flat, then stands by the door hollering that she's ready to go. Ready. To. Go. Never mind that I still have to shower, no one has eaten breakfast, and she's still in pajamas. (Not that she'd mind being in pajamas.) She's the one sitting in the car for 15 minutes while everyone else is still getting shoes on and making sure they remembered the camera and the water bottles and the library books that are overdue.

For her, I don't mention any plans until the very last minute. I will spend as long as I need helping her brother get ready, whispering in his ear so she won't hear, "We're going to the zoo! Put some clothes on. Remember, the zoo? Are you moving yet?" Then I will try to engage her in an activity so she won't know we're getting ready to leave the house. "Here, play with some playdoh and don't mind me. Why no, this is not a picnic basket, I don't know what you're talking about." Because as soon as she knows, that is the moment we must leave.

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I love these children. They are wonderfully different from each other. They are also similar in many ways. It doesn't matter if I'm trying to get one kid moving or trying to slow the other down, they are both perfectly, absolutely who they are meant to be.

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End of the School Year, Hair, Weather

2011-05-19T08:42:00.005-04:00

There are only a few days left of Bee's first grade school year. Wow, I can't believe it's gone so fast! I'm not really ready for it to be over, and neither is he because he asked to do some work over the summer too. That sure made me feel good. I feel like I've found my groove and a good routine, just as it's ending. Truly though, it won't change too much over the summer break. He will still have tae kwon do, playgroup, and many of our activities will remain the same. We'll still go to the library and the science museum, still have friends over and go to the park and read books. That's the best part about homeschooling: it just fits right into our life until we hardly notice it.

Tell me though, do you notice anything when you look at the picture below?

Yep, he got a haircut! He said he wanted to get it short for summer. He still wants to get a bit more cut off, but this was an in-between step. I felt a little sad when his long, beautiful hair was cut, but I love how it looks now too. He is very happy with it, which is a relief. I was so worried he'd be upset.

It has been cold here. It's supposed to get warmer today, but that means rain. The forecast says there will be rain 6 out of the next 7 days. I want to whine about this, so here I go: Rain sucks, cold sucks, and I wish we could spend our days outside. Blah.

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Turned Around

2011-05-14T09:38:00.002-04:00

I see my last post was about my bad day. Things turn around, as they always do, and the rest of the week was pretty great! We saw a bat while walking by a creek. On Thursday we had 3 different playdates with Bee's friends, including the first sprinkler play of the season. Friday we stayed home all day to recover from the social adventures of Thursday.

Goose said several cute things this week, and right now I can only remember three of them. I want to write them down before I forget.

1. "Do you know what I like the best? Glitter!"
2. "Did you know this dime is a penny?!"
3. She was feeling my knee, and I hadn't shaved that day: "Mama, your knee has a beard!"

She lives her life in exclamation points, that girl.

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Hard Day

2011-05-10T17:11:00.003-04:00

Oh my stars and garters! (My grandma used to say that. I love it.) It has been a very hard day. A long day. A grouchy day. Not only that, it wasn't good.

I woke up cheerful and made coffee and eggs. Goose and I ate, I spent some time at my computer, we read 5 books all snuggled up in the bed.

Bee woke up and the three of us lounged in my bed and I read a couple chapters to them from The Swiss Family Robinson. I scratched Bee's back, Goose rubbed my hair.

It seemed like it was going to be a good day, is what I'm saying.

But the bickering started and it pretty much didn't stop.

Bee did a favor for Goose, but she didn't want a favor, and so she got mad, and so he got mad.

They played a game that involved throwing a ball at each other. It was fun for three minutes, until it was terribly not fun. Goose hid under the table while Bee threw the ball one last time, and told me he was not throwing it at her, but at an imaginary guy who was right behind her.

I was not on my best behavior either. I found myself sighing a little too hard when asked to do a favor, and my responses were sometimes short and snappy.

So on and so forth.

I did get us outside to try to give carrots to a bunny that stopped by our yard, and it helped the mood somewhat.

But this isn't one of those stories where the day starts out terrible and something wonderful and dreamy comes along to fix everyone's mood. We're all still pretty grouchy.

That's all. Just a whine, to let this steam rise out. Tomorrow will surely be better. Right?

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Boys

2011-05-09T08:45:00.003-04:00

I just finished reading Boy's Life by Robert McCammon. I really loved it. It told about a group of pre-adolescent boys growing up in a small town, and the magic of their imaginations. They go all over their town, exploring and having adventures both good and bad. I love reading about young boys because I have one, and he is sometimes a fascinating, wonderful mystery to me. I feel like he is just beginning the era of his life described in the book. The one where he goes out and explores his world with friends and not parents.

There is a boy who lives in the condos across the street and over a fence. He is 9 years old, and he and Bee love to play together. He comes over after dinner many times a week, and rings the doorbell and asks if my son can come out and play. It feels like a tv show when he does that. Bee throws on his shoes and they play in our yard for a few hours. They play with sticks. They play star wars. They throw things. They make all manner of sound effects.

Lately, they've been expanding their territory. Bee asked if they could go in the brush by the walking path. It's sort of like a teeny tiny mini-woods. I told them they could, since I can still see them from the house.

When he came back all muddy and sweaty, he was full of stories about a secret tunnel hideout and a huge bat that flew over their heads, and a tree stump they had to dig out.

Boys.

Boys are fun. (So are girls, but this post is about boys.)

His mind works in a different way than mine, and I love it. It's like I'm his protege in the class about adventure. It's going to be fun, watching him expand his own world.

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Which Holiday?

2011-05-08T09:58:00.004-04:00

I think my sweet kids are confused.

This morning Goose asked me, "Would it be funny if Santa's name was John?"

When Bee woke up, he gave me my present. It was a candy cane fashioned from bendaroos.

Already, it's a perfect day.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas out there!

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Dishes

2011-05-04T10:50:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it's fun to take the long way.

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Growing

2011-05-03T08:22:00.004-04:00

Because I see my children every day, their growth seems fairly gradual. But sometimes I look at them and am absolutely gobsmacked at how big they are.

Recently I was looking through the newest batch of pictures from the memory card, and was shocked by two images. They aren't technically the best photos, but I love what they capture.

There is this one, of Goose sitting at the dinner table:

Look at her arm! Tiny but so slim, like a kid's arm, not a toddler's arm. Her neck! Her ponytail! Her posture! She looks 6 years old to me in this photo.

Then there's this one, of Bee in the kitchen. His sister actually took it when she was playing with the camera.

Look how tall he is compared to the counter! I am aware that he can reach the faucet to get his own glass of water, and I remember the day I could first see his head poking out above the island. But this picture, from this lower perspective just makes him seem very tall.

The other day my husband said, "What are we supposed to do when we don't have any more little kids around saying cute things?" I grabbed his arm and said, "Have another!" Which is absolutely a dream of mine, but still at some point there has to be a last child. And any new kids wouldn't be these kids, and these kids are growing so fast my brain can't even comprehend it.

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Spelling Rant, Easter Picture

2011-04-28T13:14:00.004-04:00

You know what's irritating?

The fact that there are a gazillion ways to make a long e sound. ee, ea, ei, ie, ey, e-consonant-e, i-consonant-e, a single e as in the word me. I mean, what the heck is that?

Also, silent k. Why do we need a silent k? Or any silent letters?

Teaching a kid to read is complicated.

In other news, Goose is feeling better today. Still sick enough that she had a nap, but her fever is gone and her eyes are bright again.

The sun is also bright today, which is important because it has been so rainy here. Rain for days on end, and me feeling like spring will never really arrive.

We celebrated Easter, and that was a joy. My children shared like they were born to do it, and blew me away with their gigantic hearts. They were finding eggs and dropping them into each other's baskets. Here is a picture of them.

When I was a little girl, I would tuck my knees up
into my dress like that, and pretend the resulting
round lumps were breasts. Did you do that?

Sleep

2011-04-27T16:22:00.003-04:00

My daughter is sick. Her temperature is 101.6. She has eaten a banana and a few bites of melon all day. When she is sick, she actually sleeps.

I was not blessed with children who sleep easily. I was blessed with children who sleep terribly! But blessed all the same.

I wanted to post this picture, of Goose sleeping in the living room rocking chair. It was taken a few weeks ago but I haven't remembered to post it. As she easily drifted off for her nap, covered with blankets and sickness, I thought to post it.

I see pictures of other people's children, where the kid has fallen asleep in the high chair, or while playing on the floor, or in a stroller. I'm always dumbfounded. I do not understand this. My son has never done that, he rarely even slept in the car. He only sleeps in a bed, protesting every step of the way. My daughter is much the same, except she does occasionally ask to sleep. Even then though it takes her some time to drift off. They don't fall asleep by accident, is what I'm saying.

But! She fell asleep in the rocking chair, while I wasn't even in the room. She wasn't sick. Behold: the first time one of my children accidentally fell asleep, in a soft chair!

Not the same as those kids who fall asleep while watching fireworks, but notable nonetheless.

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Feeling Grateful

2011-04-22T21:16:00.004-04:00

Not a day goes by that I don't think about how lucky I am, and how happy I am to get to do what I do. Here are a few things from this last week that called out this grateful feeling, and sung it like a ballad.

Llama, Llama Red Pajama, read in red.

ditto

"Knitting" in the front porch sun, unaware of mama
snapping pictures through the screen.

Mornings warm enough to go to the park to slide.

He learned how to pump his legs and swing on his own!
Hooray for my tired arms!

Fierce concentration, painting with watercolors.

Dental exam, no cavities for either kid.
Relief.

Jumping for joy at gymnastics.

I am so, so grateful.

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It Isn't What You Think

2011-04-18T14:34:00.003-04:00

Goose got some clay for her birthday. She plays with it every day, mostly making little balls and lining them up. Sometimes she just squeezes it or holds it. A couple days ago, her brother joined her in playing with the clay.

I looked over and saw this:

Hmmm. That's interesting. I looked at it closer.

I said, "Hmmm. That's interesting. Can you tell me about it?"

The response?

"It's a baby wearing a hat and that blue thing is the bilical cord."

Apparently it was a request from Goose, who had recently looked through her newborn pictures with me.

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Yesterday

2011-04-14T09:15:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was so great. My cousin Joany asked me how we were, and I wrote her a super long message. I thought I would paste it here, with a few changes.

Goose and I got up early and read some books and played a little dollhouse. I got a shower and got all dressed, made coffee that my friend had brought over and sneaked into my kitchen. Put side-to-side ponyhairs in for Goose, at her request. Then I woke Bee up at 9, fed him and then we went to the bank and gas station. Then I took Bee to his science class, where they learned about erosion. Goose and I came home, and I talked on the phone with mom, did dishes, read books to Goose, and then she and I went to Kohl's to spend a $10 coupon. Got a gift for my mother-in-law for mother's day.

Then we picked up Bee, and chatted with the other mamas. Came home and had lunch/snack. We all played outside with the cat. The kids sprayed the flowers with their new water spray bottles, and asked me to refill them a hundred times. Then we took off for campus. Got a perfect parking spot, and went in to say hello to my former coworkers. Goose wouldn't say a word to them, just tucked her head in my neck. The ladies told Bee that he used to be like that, which he could hardly believe. He talked their ears off. Then we walked (for 30 minutes) but Goose mostly ran, to a grove of pine trees with a limestone bench. We sat there and did Bee's reading lesson, studied his spelling words, and did a little math. Then we walked on to the fish pond where we fed breadcrumbs to the fish, poked the water with sticks, and threw dandelions into the water and watched them drift down a small waterfall. Bee got mad at me because I wouldn't put his collected bits of nature in my purse, and then he stuffed one of his pockets full of the rocks, seed pods, and husks. We walked back to the car and on the way saw a bicycle crash. The riders had a bit of a temper about it.

Home again, the kids played outside together with big tonka trucks while I cooked dinner and baked peanut butter cookies. Talked to my sister on the phone. My guy got home and we ate dinner and cookies. My husband put grape jelly on his peanut butter cookies. Chatted about our day. Kids back outside while I watched Days of our Lives. :-p My guy worked on the car with Bee while I read 6 books to Goose and put her to sleep early because she had no nap. Later read to Bee and tucked him into bed. Watched Survivor with a bowl of chocolate ice cream with honey drizzled on top. Rushed to help Bee because as he was lying in bed, he freaked out about something he had put in his pocket at the pond. It was just a seed husk, but he thought it was a wasp nest and it scared him as it lay on the floor where he had dumped the contents of his pocket. Hung out with my guy a bit. Spent time on the computer lazing around. Absolutely a fabulous day!

The funny thing is, the things I've written here are just the big things. The smaller things took up so much more of my day when added together! Things like looking for specific toys and preparing food and all those day to day things.

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Take Your Time

2011-04-13T08:36:00.002-04:00

A couple weeks back, Ms. Moon wrote that being able to take your time doing something is a blessing and a joy. Since reading that, I've thought a lot about it.

One part of it is being a mom to young children, but I realized that I don't really take my time doing most things. I am in a constant state of rush. I'm here, I'm there, I'm moving on to the next task. When I did the mulching and planting, I was rushing to get it all done in one day, rushing to finish before one of the kids needed something, rushing so that I could be done before it was time to make dinner. I really enjoy decorating cakes, but I have to hurry through it. When I made Goose's cakes on Saturday I had to hurry because we had plans that afternoon. Sometimes I do things like that late at night, but even then I feel rushed because I know I need to get to bed because one of my children wakes up early. Even when I relax, I am rushing through it. I sit tensely as I watch a tv show, knowing that a child could wake up at any minute. I sit there willing the show to hurry up and get to the end so that I can see it all.

It's not really the children that make me feel this way though. I think it's something inside me. I am jittery, I am fast-moving. I do not sit still. I've mentioned before that I am working on lounging. Really lounging--sitting there and relaxing and not thinking of all the things I could be up doing. This goes hand in hand with taking my time.

The one thing that doesn't make me feel like I need to hurry is reading. I can pause when I need to, and my mind enjoys thinking over what I've read during that pause. Probably that's why I enjoy reading so much. There is no rushing it. It may be why I read to my kids so much each day.

I'm going to think about this more, to try to figure out why I do this. I'm going to try to calm my mind and my racing heart, and practice taking my time with tasks. Even the most mundane tasks are enjoyable to me. I like wiping the counters, I like setting the table, I like putting shoes on the kids. I want to slow down and take my time and enjoy those things more.

I want to stop hurrying and trying to stuff in every possible thing that needs savoring, and start savoring what's happening in the moment, slowly and luxuriously.

It's a goal. I'll start by brushing Goose's hair and putting it in a "ponyhair" like she wants, and I will take my time.

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The Party, The Rainbow Cakes

2011-04-11T09:16:00.006-04:00

Yesterday we had a small crowd at our house to celebrate Goose turning 3. She had requested a rainbow party and of course I obliged her.

Her birthday was Saturday but her party was Sunday. This was made more confusing by the fact that I made her cakes Saturday morning, and we went to a friend's birthday party Saturday evening. She kept thinking it was her party. I'm not sure if we ever explained it sufficiently, but kids are pretty good at going with the flow and enjoying the moment.

This cake was chocolate. It was a bundt cake cut in half. Easy!

Waiting for everyone to gather to sing to her.

After we sang to her, I said, "Make a wish and blow out your candles."
She tucked her head close to mine and said, "I want you to."
So we did it together.

The tall white cake had a surprise inside. That was fun.
It was hard for me to keep it a secret, but I did.

The cake slices were huge, just the way I like them.

Presents! She got a lot of really great stuff.

We were lucky and the weather was great. The kids spent
most of the afternoon outside. That means the kids' room
did not get destroyed. Woo!

My cousin and her family stayed late, and that was really nice. Bee is still sleeping, Goose is happily exhausted and playing with her new stuff, and the house is littered with cups and empty serving bowls and wrapping paper.

I could not be more content.

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Three

2011-04-09T07:49:00.002-04:00

Somehow, it has happened. My daughter has turned 3.

Three years ago I birthed her into the world after a few short hours of labor and 24 minutes in the hospital. The power and love and awe I felt on that day has only continued to grow as I've nursed this child and loved her and watched her reveal herself to us.

She is so, so funny. The other night we were lying in bed together trying to fall asleep. We had our backs to each other, but were sharing a pillow. She scootched over closer to me and said, "Butt to butt!"

When she asks me for something and she thinks I might say no, she scrunches up her face until her eyes are slivers and dances her pointer finger like an inch worm on a spring.

She loves yellow, strawberries, Boo and Baa books, sliding, Peep and the Big Wide World, snuggling, playing catch, and as ever, babies.

I think she might be giving up her nap. She naps maybe twice a week, but we still try every day. We lie there until she says, "I think I actually don't want to nap."

When people ask her what she wants for her birthday, she says, "A rainbow cake." She will have one tomorrow, at her party.

I can't believe she's 3. I can't believe she's mine.

I am so lucky, so blessed, so happy to be her mama.

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Girl In The Yard

2011-04-06T13:47:00.004-04:00

Sunday when I was doing all that yard work, my husband took some amazing pictures of our girl. I feel like these pictures really capture her essence. Her birthday is on Saturday, and so I wanted to share them to honor the age of almost three.

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Mabel

2011-04-04T22:50:00.005-04:00

My but my muscles are sore! Yesterday I spent 8 hours working in the yard. Bee and I went to the greenhouse and bought pansies, marigolds, lamb's ear, some other plant I can't remember the name of, and a japanese maple tree.

Meet Mabel the Maple

You can see that I also trimmed bushes and spread mulch. 2 truckloads of mulch. It was a lot, but I had help.

The Help

Seriously, this boy helped me nearly every minute I was working. He shoveled and dug and hauled and kept me company. That was the best part, the company. He said his back is sore today too. I believe it: we went to his friend's house this morning, and he sat in a chair nearly the whole time, too sore to get up and play.

Goose helped too, but mostly she spent the day with Dada, or napping. She did get a little garden trowel and shoveled the mulch with us.

Gardening isn't generally my thing. I find myself wanting to just hurry up and get it done. I hate weeding. This early in the spring though, there weren't many weeds and I did enjoy using my body and really focusing on the physical tasks. My sore muscles make me feel satisfied for some reason, as though I used what I've been blessed with--health and strength and mobility. I also love the way the yard looks now. Worth it.

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Snowy Wednesday

2011-03-30T10:36:00.002-04:00

There is snow on my daffodils! Snow! On the daffodils! It's nearly April, this should not be happening. I rescued several of the flowers and put them in a vase on my table. At least it can look a little springy inside, even if it's gray and snowy outside.

I have just returned home from taking Bee to his science class. I love that he loves it. He says that Dani is a very nice teacher. Today there will be 6 kids there, usually there are a few more. Today they were going to talk about estimation, and rocks, and then they were going to make an edible rock. Pretty cool.

Goose and I are hanging out here for the morning. Some friends are going to join us, and I lit 2 scented candles to try to rid the house of its skunky smell. Yes, there are skunks again, though this time just in the neighborhood and not fenced into my yard or hiding under my deck. Two nights ago, a skunk sprayed and my husband and I kept waking up all night long because of the horrible, extremely strong smell. The house still holds a faint odor from it. Candles, it's the best I can do because I certainly can't air out the house in this weather.

I'm going to put some water on for tea, and wait for my friends. Perhaps I'll even start a fire in the fireplace. Why not?

I hope you have a lovely, warm day. Without snow.

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Home

2011-03-28T09:19:00.003-04:00

Last night as I tucked Bee in bed, I smooched him and sniffed his hair. I told him he smells like a corn field at harvest, which I tell him all the time because it's true. He said, "You just like it because I smell like home."

He really does smell like home to me. I grew up on a farm, surrounded by fields of corn and soybeans. I know that smell of harvest like it's my childhood in a bottle. I don't know why his hair smells like that, but it does and always has.

Goose smells like baby kittens. I don't know if it's the milky smell of a nursing toddler or just her natural scent, but I sure hope it doesn't disappear when she weans. Because baby kittens also feature prominently in my childhood and the smell of them brings me a huge amount of joy and peace.

I wonder what my husband thinks the kids smell like. Maybe to him they smell like something different, but something that calls him back to childhood too. It could be the magic of children, to smell like home, no matter their scent.

All I know is that now when I go visit at harvest, and when I hold the baby kittens on the farm in spring, I will be thinking of my children.

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Wear A Tie To Church

2011-03-27T13:16:00.003-04:00

We visited a new church today, because Bee's friend was singing in the choir and he wanted to watch her. I asked the kiddos to put on some nice clothes.

They emerged from their room like this:

I love this pair of people.

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Lacking Motivation

2011-03-25T13:50:00.003-04:00

I can't get moving today. I'd blame the sinus headache and lingering cough, but really I think I'm just feeling slumpy. I did the dishes and homeschooled the boy and retrieved about a thousand things that the girl requested, and even read a few picture books. But my energy level has stopped there and I don't know if I'll get to the laundry or anything else. Goose said she was hungry and I gave her a spoonful of peanut butter. Yeah. Slumpy.

The weather was so warm at the beginning of the week, and now it's cold again and we might even get a bit of snow. Urf. I'm sure that's partly why I can't get motivated. I have been so excited to buy a Japanese Maple tree to put by my porch, but it will be at least another week before it gets warm enough to plant it. A week is not so long, but when you're waiting for warm weather it can feel like an age. I've finally had enough hot tea and I'm ready for lemonade!

Last night I woke up when I heard a noise in the kitchen. I was too panicked to go check it out, and I didn't want to wake my husband because he is not the panicky sort and I knew he would just shrug and go back to sleep. So I lay there and listened as hard and I could and pretended to be asleep in case the burglar decided to peek in our bedroom. I guess eventually I fell back asleep, but my body does not feel like it rested. Also, nothing appears to be missing so the noise was probably my imagination or the wind. Oh well. It's what I do.

I'm going to end this whiny post and either plant myself on the couch with my book, or try to prod my body into action. Sometimes if I just get started I find my energy.

I hope your day is perkier than mine!

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Sick Day

2011-03-21T09:19:00.004-04:00

Well, we have some sort of lung/sinus illness in our house. I have no voice to speak of. (Ha!) The kids seem to be handling it better than I am. Why is that? Kids can have a fever and a terrible cough, yet they still want to play Battleship, or you know, go for a 5 mile jog.

Here are some pictures of Goose painting with water colors. I love her choice of canvas.

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Light Bulbs

2011-03-17T14:27:00.002-04:00

You know what's ridiculous? We have 72 lightbulbs in our house.

72!

Our house is not huge. It's about 1400 square feet. 3 bedrooms, garage. Not tiny, but not huge. (Now is where I start comparing our lifestyle to the people who live in Africa in one room huts with 9 people and I feel really guilty.) Anyway.

We have a lot of light fixtures with groupings of smaller wattage bulbs. In our upstairs hallway alone there are 2 light fixtures with 3 bulbs each. Our ceiling fans have 6 bulbs each. I also counted the lights in the garage and on the house.

But still, 72 is a ridiculous number of bulbs.

I counted because it seems like we have so many burned bulbs and we just aren't replacing them because, well, that requires action and shopping, and we have enough action-requiring things to do. Somehow we still have enough light. I was curious, so I counted, and we have 19 burned out bulbs. Not a bad percentage, really, but it just illustrates to me the excess of my life.

I have so many things I do not need, and so many of those things require me to exert energy where I don't really want to be exerting it. Like having a shelf full of knick knacks that don't bring joy but spending time dusting them anyway. I've done away with most of my knick knacks like that, but I can see there are still areas of my life where I need to pare down and simplify.

72 lights bulbs is too many to manage for a girl who likes simplicity.

I'm curious now, if you are too, would you count the light bulbs in your house and report back?

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Cat Watching

2011-03-16T15:47:00.003-04:00

Pine rested and napped on our back deck rail for several hours one afternoon.

The crocodile and the bumblebee watched him.

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Their Own Selves

2011-03-15T09:17:00.003-04:00

Every day I am struck by how much my kids are just who they are. From the moment they were born, they had opinions. I mean, of course they did, they are people. But it often seems like as a culture we expect children to be different, to be more easily influenced. Or maybe it's just that because they are little, adults can exert control over children if they want. In our culture it seems to be expected that adults will control many aspects of their children's lives.

I try to keep my controlling behavior to an absolute minimum. I admit that it is a temptation to coerce my children into dressing a certain way or behaving a certain way, but only if we're going somewhere that I don't feel completely comfortable. I recognize that this is my issue of wanting to fit in, and I fight against it. If we're going to my friend KT's house or my mom's house, I never worry if my daughter doesn't want her hair combed or my son doesn't want to go off to play like the other kids. I feel accepted at those places, and know my kids are too. There are a few places we go where I don't feel comfortable or accepted, and in those places I must fight the urge to convince my kids to let me choose their clothes or get them to say hello to the adults. My kids are not here to be a reflection of me. I represent me, and they represent themselves.

I'm getting pretty good at feeling uncomfortable and surviving that feeling. Each time, I get more confident. My children are teaching me so much. At this point, it has become fun to throw away all my insecurities and watch my children challenge the expectations of others. To see that they are thriving being their own selves without pressure to conform. To watch my daughter sit still in a swing and refuse to be pushed by all the people who want to give her a push. To see my son's long hair in a sea of short haired boys--even when adults call him a girl he doesn't get upset, he gets indignant. He says, "Don't they know that boys can have long hair and girls can have short hair??! It's just hair!"

My kids are teaching me that it's okay to be who you are, a lesson I always think I have learned but every time that uncomfortable feeling churns in my stomach I see that I still have a way to go. I am so thankful for these two people, and their uninhibited style of life.

What? You don't wear a leotard and mittens with your jeans and pajamas?
You should, it's pretty cool.

He is so confident and content in who he is.